


Lost In The Beating Of The Storm

by moongirl24



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-09
Updated: 2012-08-09
Packaged: 2017-11-11 18:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 43,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/481753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moongirl24/pseuds/moongirl24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke Snyder has nothing to look forward to this summer. No exciting trips coming up, no possible summer romances, nothing. Just barn chores and babysitting. But one day someone comes along and turns his life completely upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for Nuke Big Bang 2011. For additional notes, see the master post at my LJ [here](http://moonfics.livejournal.com/17636.html).

_It was a dark and stormy night_ , Luke quoted to himself as he stepped out of the farm house, because rarely had that line seemed more accurate. The rain was pouring down, or rather, pouring sideways, and the wind was so strong it almost took Luke’s breath away.

The weather matched his mood, which was glum at best. Luke was feeling like that a lot these days. It was the beginning of the summer (even if you wouldn’t believe that, looking at the weather), he had a long holiday ahead of him and he knew it was a time to feel happy and carefree and excited about all the possibilities, but instead he was just depressed. He had nothing to look forward to this summer. No exciting trips coming up, no possible summer romances, nothing. Just barn chores and babysitting.

And trying his best to stay away from the bottle. And from Kevin.

He had promised his parents that he would, and he wanted to do his best to keep that promise. He had messed up enough lately, seen enough disappointment in his parents’ eyes. Especially that time when he managed to crash the tractor into one of the fences at the farm. Luke cringed just at the thought of it. He and Kevin had been drinking, again, and decided that it would be fun to take the tractor for a spin. Deep inside, even in his drunken state, Luke knew that it was a terrible, not to mention dangerous, idea. But he did it anyway, to impress Kevin. Pretty much everything he did was to impress Kevin.

Luckily, neither of them got hurt, but Luke didn’t think he would ever forget the look on his father’s face when he found him and Kevin next to the trashed tractor. He didn’t think he had ever seen Holden that angry. But Holden didn’t yell. He just looked at Luke with eyes that held so much disappointment, and Luke later swore to himself that he would never again do something that would make his father look at him like that. It just wasn’t worth it.

His parents demanded he stay away from Kevin after that. Luke made the promise easily and found that it wasn’t that difficult to keep. He missed Kevin, but he realized that hanging out with him didn’t make him feel particularly good about himself. It didn’t make him happy. And even though his feelings for Kevin were still there, he soon discovered that they were already starting to fade. The whole tractor debacle had made him see Kevin in a whole different light.

His parents had also made him promise to stop drinking, and while he did, that turned out to be a bigger problem. He missed it. Not so much the taste (to be honest he didn’t even much like how it tasted), but he missed being able to escape from reality for a while, to forget and not feel so much. Now, without anything to help him take the edge off, he felt everything so much more strongly. The loneliness and the big, confusing chaos inside of him. The fear. Fear that if people knew the truth about him, they might start seeing him differently. Might not like him or accept him.

So far he hadn’t been drinking after he made the promise to his parents a little over a week ago. But he had come close a few times and he still had a secret stash of alcohol in his room that his parents hadn’t discovered. He couldn’t quite explain why he hadn’t gotten rid of it along with the other bottles. It was like he still needed that possible escape.

Luke sighed and looked at the rain, pulling the hood of his raincoat over his head. It didn’t look like it would to stop raining anytime soon. He finally stepped out into the storm and ran over to the barn as quickly as he could, his shoes splashing water everywhere as they hit the small puddles of rainwater between the house and the barn.

Inside the barn it was nice and relatively warm. Luke closed the door behind him and shut the storm out, taking in the familiar atmosphere of the barn. This was one of his favorite places in the whole world. Being around the horses made him feel calm and relaxed in a way that little else could. It was like therapy. And Luke suspected that his father knew that when he decided that Luke would have to do barn chores the whole summer to pay for the broken tractor. He didn’t just want it to be a punishment to Luke; he wanted it to be something that would help Luke find his way out of the mess he had gotten himself into. Something that might help fill the void inside him.

Luke walked through the barn, greeting all the horses by name. He paid a little extra attention to Magic, who always got anxious during a storm. “Shhh girl,” he soothed, stroking her head affectionately. “Everything’s okay.” He patted her neck and fed her a carrot which she accepted with a grateful nod.

He mucked out the stalls quickly and efficiently. This was something he had been doing since he was a kid and he could probably do it in his sleep if he had to. Soon he had cleaned out all the stalls and the horses had been given fresh water to drink. Now all that was left was to feed them. Some of the horses were already stomping their hooves impatiently. “I know, I know,” Luke said, patting Ranger, who was in the nearest stall. “I’ll go get your food.”

He climbed the ladder to the hayloft and started pushing hay over the edge and down on the barn floor.

And that’s when he saw him.

The boy.

Or was it a man? No, a boy, Luke decided. He was sitting in one of the corners of the hayloft, with his arms around his knees, looking like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. When he realized that Luke had seen him, however, he immediately scrambled to his feet and pressed his back against the wall, his hands in front of him in a defensive motion.

He was tall and seemed to be around Luke’s age. His clothes were wet and dirty, and water was dripping from his dark hair and down onto his face. He looked at Luke in absolute horror, his eyes wide with fear. Luke, on the other hand, was so surprised to see him that he couldn’t get a word out for several seconds. He just stared at the newcomer and tried to get his heart rate back to normal after the initial surprise.

“Um, hi?” he finally managed. “What are you doing here?”

The boy didn’t say anything for a long time. He just stared at Luke, fear radiating off of him, and Luke began to think that maybe his mysterious guest didn’t speak any English. But after studying Luke for a long time the guy seemed to deem him rather harmless, and relaxed enough to finally speak.

“I… I was going to sleep here,” he admitted, looking a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’ll get out of here.” He started moving towards the ladder and Luke noticed that he didn’t seem to be carrying any belongings.

“Do you have any place to go?” he asked.

The guy stilled for a moment. He slowly shook his head, his back to Luke. “But I’ll figure something out,” he said. “I’m very sorry for the intrusion.”

Luke studied him for a second. The boy was shaking from the cold and seemed incredibly lost and scared. And there was a raging storm outside. Luke made a quick decision.

“No, wait,” he said, making the guy turn to look at him. He gestured towards the hay. “You can sleep here if you want to. It’s nice and warm in here and you obviously need somewhere to stay.” The guy looked at him a bit skeptically, so Luke went on, “Please. The storm is pretty bad, and at least here you’ll have a roof over your head. I’d invite you inside the house as well, but I get the feeling that maybe you wouldn’t want that.”

The guy shook his head furiously. “No, no one must know where I am,” he said and there was once again fear in his voice. He studied Luke for a moment. “Are you sure I can stay here?” he asked. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to bother anyone.”

“You won’t,” Luke assured him. “My dad is out of town at the moment, so I’m the only one who spends any time in the barn right now. And in this weather I can pretty much guarantee you that no one is planning to take any of the horses out. So you’re safe.”

While still cautious, the boy seemed to relax a little at that. He nodded. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

Luke smiled and took a few steps closer to him. He reached out his hand. “I’m Luke. Luke Snyder.”

The boy hesitated for a moment before he took Luke’s hand. “N-Noah.”

Noah. Somehow the name suited him perfectly. He wasn’t a Matt or a Josh or a Robert. He was a Noah, and he was… actually pretty gorgeous, Luke discovered. He was surprised he hadn’t noticed it sooner, but the light was quite dim up here and it was difficult to see things clearly. Now, up close, Luke finally got to take a proper look at him. And… _wow_.

When it came to guys, Luke used to think he didn’t have a specific type. The guys he found attractive varied from tall and blonde to short and dark and everything in between. He liked a nice smile and pretty eyes, but apart from that he didn’t have any particular preferences.

Until now. Because as far as looks went, Noah was definitely his type. Tall, with dark hair that was curling at the edges from the rain and gorgeous blue eyes that Luke just wanted to drown in. Actually he was kind of doing that already, because it was suddenly really difficult to tear his gaze away from those eyes. And Noah’s handshake was good, too. Really good, actually…

He held Noah’s hand a lot longer than he probably should have. But Noah’s hand was surprisingly warm (and soft, but also firm… perfect), considering how wet and cold he was, and Luke had a hard time pulling his own hand away. He did, eventually, and flushed a little as he gestured around him.

“So, um… make yourself comfortable,” he said. “There should be more than enough hay up here, and I’ll run inside the house and grab some blankets and some dry clothes for you. And I suppose you might like some food?”

Noah quickly shook his head. “No, you really don’t have to do that. You’ve done more than enough for me already. I’ll be fine out here, really.”

But Luke wasn’t one to take no for an answer. “Come on, Noah. You’re cold, you’re shaking and I’m willing to bet my right hand that you haven’t had a proper meal all day. Am I right?”

Noah looked down. “You’re right,” he admitted.

“Well, that settles it. I’ll go inside to get some food and clothes right away.”

Noah opened his mouth to protest again, but Luke beat him to it. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t know who you are or why you’re here. But it’s pretty obvious that you could use some help. So _please_ , let me do this for you.”

Noah looked at him for a long time, but finally he nodded. “Okay,” he agreed, albeit a little reluctantly, and for the first time, there was a hint of a smile on his face.

 

 

***

 

 

Luke couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was, but there was something special about Noah. Luke had felt some kind of instant connection to him and a need to help and protect him that he didn’t know where came from. He had even been ready to invite the guy into his house without knowing the first thing about him, not even his name. He could have been a criminal, for all Luke knew.

Except that he wasn’t. Luke was absolutely sure about that. He was just a lost boy looking for shelter; someone who was scared and alone, not so different from Luke himself. Except that Noah seemed a lot worse off. A whole lot, actually. By the looks of it, he didn’t even have a place to live.

Luke thought about Noah’s smile as he grabbed some blankets from his bed and put them into a plastic bag to keep them dry from the rain. Noah had an amazing smile. One that Luke would give a lot to see again. And those eyes… god. Just the thought of those eyes made butterflies start fluttering in his stomach.

He opened some drawers and found a t-shirt and a sweater for Noah. After a moment’s hesitation he also pulled out a pair of unused boxers. He then sneaked into his dad’s room and grabbed a pair of jeans that he knew his father hardly ever used (he figured his own pants would be too short for Noah) and some warm socks. He stuffed the clothes into the bag and then, on impulse, he ran back to his room and grabbed his favorite zip-up hoodie, figuring Noah could use something warm and comfy.

After he was done, he hurried down to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He found some leftover chicken, salad and rice and put it all into containers to bring to Noah. Then he took some of his grandmother’s homemade bread and put it into a paper bag. Luke hoped that this would be enough to give Noah a proper meal. He suspected that Noah hadn’t had one in a while.

He gathered all the stuff he had found and stepped out of the house again, quickly running through the rain and back to the barn. He desperately hoped that Noah would still be there, that he hadn’t left while Luke was inside the house. But there was no need to worry. Noah was there, hiding in the shadows of the loft. As soon as he saw Luke, however, he stepped out into the light, relief on his face. Luke couldn’t help but smile when he saw him.

He climbed the ladder to the loft and handed the containers filled with food to Noah, who stared at them a bit dumbfounded.

“Did you get all this food just for me?” he asked disbelieving.

“Well, I’ve already had dinner, so… yeah,” Luke said. He opened the plastic bag. “And here are some clothes and blankets for you. Hopefully the clothes will fit.”

Noah continued to stare at the containers and the bag, and then up at Luke. “This is… amazing. It’s too much, but I’ve already agreed to let you help me, so… Thank you. I hope I’ll get the chance to make it up to you someday.”

Something warm rushed through Luke. “Don’t mention it,” he said and smiled. “I’m glad to help.” He handed Noah the bag of clothes. “I suggest you put these on before you catch a cold.”

Noah nodded and started pulling the contents out of the bag. He looked back at Luke. “Could you… um…” He made a movement with his hand between the clothes and himself, and after a second Luke understood what he meant. He could feel himself turn beet red.

“Oh yeah, of course. I’ll just… leave you to it. The horses still haven’t been fed and… yeah.”

He quickly climbed down the ladder, leaving Noah alone to change. Once he reached the barn floor, he stilled for a moment, taking a couple of deep breaths as he leaned his forehead against the ladder. He tried his best not to think about the fact that Noah was right up there, changing clothes. He might be naked right at this moment… Luke shook his head. No. He couldn’t go there. He couldn’t be thinking about Noah that way because Noah would leave the next morning and Luke would probably never see him again. And really, he didn’t know Noah at all. He had only talked with him for like, five minutes. But still, Noah had some kind of effect on him that he couldn’t explain. It felt like they knew each other. Like maybe they were meant to meet out here tonight.

 _No, Luke, don’t be silly_ , he berated himself, shaking his head once more. _You’ve been reading way too many books. Now, get on with the work and leave Noah alone._

So he did. He grabbed some hay and was soon making some four-legged friends very happy.

 

 

***

 

 

“So, where am I, exactly?” Noah asked, taking a bite of his chicken leg. They were sitting cross-legged in the hay on either side of a box that now functioned as a table. Noah was dressed in dry clothes and had a warm blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Luke was glad to see that he was no longer shaking and that he was digging into the food with a healthy appetite.

“Well, this is Snyder farm,” Luke explained. “It’s been in my family for generations and is currently owned by my grandmother Emma. The horses belong to my dad, though. He’s been raising horses for as long as I can remember.”

“That’s pretty cool,” Noah said.

Luke nodded. “Yeah, it is. I’ve been around the horses since I was a kid. My dad taught me how to ride when I was really young and I’ve loved it ever since. Being around horses is amazing. It’s very relaxing.”

“You certainly seemed to be handling them really well,” Noah commented.

Luke looked at him. “What, were you watching me?” he asked. Somehow that idea didn’t seem all that bad.

Noah looked down, cheeks red. “Maybe,” he admitted. “I heard you come in before and I just… I wanted to see who it was. And then I saw you greeting them and talking to them and it was kind of… fascinating, I guess, to see the bond you seemed to have with them. I could tell you really love them.”

“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “I do.”

“So what, I’m right in the middle of nowhere then?” Noah asked, somewhat teasingly, and Luke got to see that smile again. It was just as amazing as he remembered.

“Well, kind of,” Luke said, smiling too. “But there’s a town really close by. Oakdale.”

“Oakdale…” Noah mused. “I don’t think I’ve heard about it. Am I still in Missouri?”

“No, this is Illinois. You’re from Missouri?” Luke asked, interested. He was dying to learn more about Noah.

“Yeah, I-” He studied Luke for a moment, like he was trying to decide whether he should finish the sentence or not. Then he went on, “I kind of ran away from home.”

Luke nodded. That explained a thing or two. “Why did you do that?”

Noah fidgeted a little. “It’s just me and my dad,” he said, and Luke couldn’t help but notice the fear that was creeping into Noah’s voice. “And my dad… let’s just say he’s not a very nice guy. And we had a huge fight and I just… I guess it was the final straw. I couldn’t stay there any longer. So I left. And I’ve been on the run since.”

“How long ago was that?” Luke asked. He really felt for Noah. He remembered how Noah had acted when Luke had found him earlier, how scared out of his mind he had been, and now it seemed that it was his own father he was running from. It had to be pretty bad if Noah was forced to take that drastic step.

Noah shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe ten days? I’ve lost track of time.” He looked down. “It’s been pretty hard. Luckily the weather has been good so I’ve been sleeping outdoors most of the time, but then the storm hit and I came upon this barn and figured it might be a good place to spend the night.”

Luke smiled a little. “I’m really glad you did. I’d hate to think of you out there in the storm. It’s pretty bad.”

“Yeah, I… I’m really glad I came here too,” Noah admitted, a little shyly.

_Damn, he’s cute._

Luke mentally shook his head and tried to remind himself why he shouldn’t be thinking about Noah that way. _Because it will lead absolutely nowhere, that’s why_.

“So, you live on this farm?” Noah asked, changing the subject.

Luke nodded. “Right now I do. My family has a house in town and usually I live there, but…” It was his turn to duck his head. “I kind of… messed up. And to make up for that my parents decided that I’d work in the barn all summer. So I figured I might as well move out here. And I kind of needed to get away from home for a while, too. Things have been a little difficult between me and my parents lately.”

“Because of… what you did?” Noah asked. Luke tried to detect any judgment in his voice. But there was none. Then again, based on what little information Noah had given him, Luke supposed that Noah could relate.

“Yeah,” Luke said, nodding sadly. “I did some really stupid things.”

Noah didn’t ask any more questions, for which Luke was grateful. Instead he finished his meal while Luke talked about Oakdale and the people there. He even managed to make Noah laugh a couple of times, and Luke was glad to see that Noah seemed a lot more relaxed now than when Luke first found him. He was no longer acting like a scared animal. Instead he seemed to really like the food that Luke had brought him (though, Luke thought a little sadly, he had a feeling Noah was so hungry that he would have eaten pretty much anything at this point), and he made the butterflies in Luke’s stomach stir to life every time he smiled. Or even looked at Luke. Or did anything at all, really.

Time flew by and Luke suddenly realized that he had been out in the barn for hours. He knew it was time to go back inside and let Noah get some much needed sleep, so he reluctantly got to his feet, Noah following his example.

“Noah… will you promise me something?” Luke asked before he left.

Noah looked curiously at him. “Sure. What is it?”

“I know you probably want to get an early start tomorrow morning, but… could you maybe wait until I show up? I’d just… really like to see you again before you leave.”

Noah nodded slowly and smiled a little. “I guess I can do that. It’s not like I’m in any hurry.”

Luke let out a relieved smile. “Thank you.” He looked around the loft. “I hope you’ll be okay out here tonight. Are you sure you don’t need anything else?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You’ve been amazing, Luke, thank you.”

 _No, you are the amazing one_ , Luke almost blurted out, but thankfully he was able to stop himself. Instead he rather regretfully went over to the ladder and stepped onto it. “Goodnight then, Noah. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Luke.”

Luke held Noah’s gaze for a second longer than he planned on before he climbed down the ladder, watching Noah disappear from sight.

 

 

***

 

 

“Luke, is that you?” his grandmother called when Luke stepped inside the farm house and closed the door behind him. The storm was as bad as ever, and he really hoped that Noah wouldn’t be cold out there in the barn tonight.

“Yeah, grandma, it’s me,” he called back and pulled off his raincoat, which was dripping wet. He hung it up to dry just as Emma appeared in the doorway.

“Oh, good,” she said. “You were out there for a long time. I was starting to get worried.”

“Sorry, it just… it took me a little longer than usual,” he said, and decided that wasn’t exactly a lie. Because he really didn’t want to lie to her unless he absolutely had to.

“Your mother called,” Emma informed him. “She said she wasn’t able to reach you on your cell.”

“I left it up in my room. Did she want something?”

Emma shook her head. “I don’t know, dear. I promised her I’d ask you to call her back.”

“Right,” Luke nodded, forcing back the sigh he wanted to let slip out. “Well, I’ll give her a call, then. And afterward I think I’ll go straight to bed. I’m really tired.”

Emma came over and gave him a hug. “You’re doing great, dear. I’m very proud of you.” She kissed his cheek. “Good night.”

He gave her a fond smile. Getting praise and hugs from her always felt good. Especially over the last couple of weeks. It felt good to know that she still believed in him. “Thank you, grandma. Good night.”

Up in his room he picked up his phone and looked at the display. Four missed calls. All of them from his mother. He sighed and sat down on the bed. He really didn’t feel like talking with her right now. Things between them had been tense ever since the tractor incident and he didn’t want to get into another argument. But he looked up her number and hit ‘call’ anyway.

She picked up almost right away. “Luke?”

“Yeah. Hi, mom.”

He could hear her relieved sigh. “Hello, sweetie. I’m glad you called.”

“Yeah, grandma said you wanted to talk to me. Did something happen?”

“Oh no, everything is fine,” she assured him. “I just wanted to hear how you’re doing.”

Somehow he didn’t quite believe that was all she wanted. “I’m doing fine. I’ve been out in the barn all night.”

“Yes, that’s what Emma said. So you have a lot to do, then?”

“Well, yeah, now that dad is out of town I have to do everything by myself, so of course it’s taking a little longer than usual.”

She was quiet for a while. “Luke, I… I’m sorry, but I just… I need to know that you’re not still drinking.”

Well, she certainly knew how to get straight to the point when she wanted to. The question came seemingly out of the blue, but somehow it didn’t surprise him. Of course that’s what she wanted. To check up on him. Luke didn’t know whether to feel angry or disappointed. Maybe a little of both. But when it came down to it, he supposed he couldn’t really blame her for not trusting him right now. When he and Kevin were drinking, they would often disappear for hours at a time, sometimes for the whole night, and they had often been hanging around the farm because there were fewer people around and more places to hide. And now he was actually living on the farm and spending hours alone in the barn every day. So, no, he couldn’t really blame his mother for wondering what he was doing with his time. It wasn’t like he hadn’t come close to breaking the promise he made about not drinking again several times already.

But her question still hurt. Still reminded him that something between them had been broken.

He sighed. “No, mom, I’m not. I haven’t had a single drink since the night with the tractor.”

She breathed out. “Okay. That’s good.” A moment’s pause, then, “I’m just worried about you, sweetie. Maybe you should think about moving back home. Your sisters really miss you.”

Luke closed his eyes. He hated having to disappoint her. “Mom, I’m fine out here, really. And I don’t think I’m ready to come home yet. I just… I need some time. Besides,” he added, “It’s just more convenient to live out here when I have barn chores every day.”

They talked for a while longer. Lily tried to convince him to come home but Luke wouldn’t budge. He meant it when he told her he wasn’t ready. Right now he just wanted to stay here at the farm and spend time in the barn while he tried to get his life back together. Living at home was just too difficult at the moment. He still hadn’t been able to tell his parents the truth about who he was, and as long as he kept that a secret, he felt like he was constantly lying to them. So for now he preferred to keep his distance. To give both himself and his parents some time to get past what happened. And give himself some time to work up the courage he needed to be honest with them.

Because he was going to tell them the truth soon. That he was gay. He couldn’t keep it from them for much longer. He didn’t want to.

He was just so scared of how they would react.

And Luke really didn’t want to give his mother another thing to be upset about. Not now. She would soon give birth to Luke’s sister or brother, and she needed to take it easy. The pregnancy hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park for her and the last thing she needed was more stress. Luke knew he had already caused her enough of that.

There were a lot of jumbled thoughts tumbling around in Luke’s head when he went to bed a little while later. Thoughts about his parents. The secret he was keeping from them. Alcohol. Kevin.

But most of all he thought about Noah. The gorgeous stray he found in the barn. Noah, who tomorrow would disappear from his life as quickly as he had entered it. Somehow that was almost too painful to think about. So he tried not to. Instead he thought about Noah’s amazing smile and beautiful blue eyes.

Much better.

 

 

***

 

 

The next morning Luke was awake and out of bed before the alarm went off. He hadn’t been sleeping well – instead he had listened to the wind and the rain hitting his bedroom window and thought about Noah out there in the barn.

Not surprisingly, Emma was already bustling around in the kitchen when Luke came down the stairs. For as long as he could remember, mornings on the farm meant waking up to the smell of homemade bread. And Emma’s bread both smelled and tasted heavenly.

Luke smiled when he remembered how Noah dug into the slices of bread Luke had brought him the night before. It seemed like he, too, became an instant fan. Luke decided to bring Noah some this morning as well. Noah should definitely have a proper breakfast before he left.

Once again he was hit with sadness at the thought. Noah was leaving. And Luke couldn’t believe how much it affected him. It felt like he was saying goodbye to a dear, old friend, not someone he met just yesterday.

He ate a quick, but amazing breakfast, and prepared some food for Noah. Emma questioned him about it, but Luke said he wanted to bring some extra food to eat out in the barn when he took a break. Emma teased him about his appetite, but Luke just let her. He really hated having to lie to her, but he couldn’t betray Noah’s trust either. Noah didn’t seem to have a whole lot of people in his corner.

Luke was surprised when he stepped outside and was met by a bright and clear morning, with a blue sky and birds singing. It made last night’s events seem almost like a dream, and for a second he was scared that it really had been just that. A dream. Because, really? How likely was it that he would find the world’s most gorgeous stray hiding out in his own barn? In the middle of a storm, no less? It sounded a little too much like a fairytale.

But then he stepped into said barn and found Noah already awake and up. And very much real. Luke couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief at that. Noah had been folding the blankets together in a neat pile and just as Luke arrived he was checking his clothes of see if they had dried. He smiled when he saw Luke.

“Morning,” he greeted as Luke climbed the ladder to the loft.

“Morning,” Luke said, returning his smile. “Did you sleep well?” The butterflies in his stomach at seeing Noah were as present as the day before. But he had realized by now that there was no point in trying to shake them off. They were there, whether he wanted them or not.

“Oh yeah, I can’t remember the last time I slept this well,” Noah proclaimed. “There’s definitely something to be said for sleeping in the hay.”

Luke grinned. “I brought you breakfast,” he announced, handing Noah the container he had put the food into. “It’s more of my grandma’s homemade bread.”

Noah opened the container. “It smells great,” he said. He looked at Luke. “I kind of feel like I should tell you that this is too much, that you shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble after everything you’ve done for me already, but if this is anything like the bread you brought me yesterday, there’s no way I’ll be able to say no.”

Luke smiled wickedly. “This is even better. It’s fresh out of the oven.” He chuckled when Noah let out a small groan.

Noah ate in silence, and Luke discovered that even being quiet felt relaxing and comfortable in Noah’s presence. He didn’t want Noah to leave, dammit! He wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him better. He had never met anyone that he felt this connected to after such a short amount of time, and it didn’t seem fair that he would have to let Noah go already.

Luke studied Noah for a moment. An idea was beginning to form in his head. He wasn’t sure what Noah would say about it, though.

“Where do you plan on going?” he asked, making Noah look up at him.

Noah shrugged and swallowed a piece of bread. “I don’t really know,” he said. “When I ran away I didn’t have any kind of plan at all. I’m kind of thinking Chicago, but…” He shrugged again. “I don’t know.”

Luke looked at him. He took a deep breath. “Then why don’t you stay here?”

Noah’s eyes widened and he stared open-mouthed at Luke.

“I mean, not _here_ in the barn, obviously,” Luke hurried to explain. “But there is an old cabin that belongs to the farm out in the forest about half an hour from here. It’s mostly being used as storage now and hardly anyone ever comes there. It’s no five star hotel, not even a no-star hotel, and there’s no electricity, but there is a toilet there that still works and a sink too, and my dad fixed the roof two summers ago so it’s definitely dry.” He could tell that Noah wasn’t convinced, so he went on. “I’m not saying you should stay here forever. But maybe for a few days, at least? Just so you can rest and gather some strength before you move on.”

Noah opened his mouth to say something, but Luke beat him to it, determined to do everything he could to get Noah to agree with his plan. “Noah, I don’t know the full story here. I don’t know what happened to make you run away from home. But I know that you’re looking for safety. And I can’t think of any place that would be safer than here. And if you stay here, I can help you. You won’t have to go through this alone.”

Noah looked at him for a long time. Luke wished he could tell what Noah was thinking. At the moment Noah’s face was absolutely unreadable.

The silence stretched out. This time it wasn’t a very comfortable silence. Luke fidgeted a little while he waited for Noah to respond.

“Luke,” Noah finally said. “I… I don’t even know what to say.”

Luke smiled a little. “Say yes?” he suggested, encouraged by the fact that at least Noah didn’t seem totally opposed to the idea.

“I feel like I shouldn’t,” Noah said, shaking his head.

“I know you do,” Luke said. “I know you think you’ll be a burden.” It amazed him that he already knew Noah well enough to know that. “But you won’t be. I mean it.” He looked at Noah intently. “I want you to stay.”

Noah looked at him. “You do?”

Luke nodded. “Yeah. I like you.” He felt himself blush. “I mean, I like hanging out with you. And I want to help, if I can.”

Noah considered him for a long time. “It’s definitely tempting,” he admitted. “To stay in one place for a while and not have to run. To have someone on my side.”

“So, it’s settled then?” Luke asked eagerly. “You’ll stay?”

Noah smiled a little at Luke’s eagerness and after a moment’s thought he nodded. “Yeah. I’ll stay. At least for a little while.”

And just like that, Luke’s summer was looking a lot more promising.

 

 

***

 

 

“So, where in Missouri are you from?” Luke asked as they were walking out to the cabin together later that day. He had finished his morning chores and managed to sneak some more things for Noah out of the house without Emma noticing, and right at this moment, walking next to Noah with the sun shining down on them, Luke felt better than he had done in a long, long time.

“Actually, I’m not really _from_ Missouri,” Noah explained. “My dad is a colonel in the army so we have moved around from military base to military base my whole life, depending on where my dad has been stationed. We even stayed in Europe for a couple of years. And for the last year and a half he’s been stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri.”

“Sounds like a pretty exciting way to grow up,” Luke said. “All that traveling, all those different places.”

“Yeah, I suppose a lot of people would find it exciting,” Noah said, “but all I ever wanted was to be able to spend more than a couple of years in one place. I always wanted a real home and real friends, but that never happened because we always moved away before I really got to know someone.”

Yeah, Luke could see how that might be difficult. Still, he found Noah’s life quite fascinating. And so different than his own. Luke had lived in Oakdale his whole life, and while he hadn’t really missed anything, he really wished he had had the opportunity to see more of the world, like Noah had. But he also had to admit that Noah’s life sounded pretty lonely, with no friends and only his father for a family. He supposed all the traveling in the world couldn’t make up for that.

“And what about your mother?” Luke asked carefully, hoping he wasn’t bringing up a difficult subject. “Has she never been around?”

“Not that I can remember,” Noah said. “She died when I was four and I can hardly remember her at all. And my dad never talks about her so it kind of feels like she’s never been there.”

After a while they arrived at the cabin, which, to Luke’s disappointment, turned out to be more run-down than he remembered. Luke had always thought of this as a charming little cottage, but he now discovered that it had lost a lot of its charm over the years and was now a pretty shabby place that hardly anyone visited anymore. But he only had to throw one look at Noah to see that this was exactly the kind of place that Noah had been hoping for. And he supposed he could see why. The cabin was isolated, discreet and out of the way. Noah would most definitely be safe here.

Still, Luke felt a little bad about not being able to offer Noah something better. Noah had been through a lot and Luke really wanted to give him a proper place to stay. But Noah didn’t seem to care about that.

“Wow, it’s beautiful out here,” he murmured, and Luke could hardly disagree with that. The cabin was surrounded by trees, with a small creek running by and a lovely view of the outer fields of the farm. Luke had a lot of happy memories from this place, from when he and Aaron had been playing here as kids, or when he and his dad had been sitting on the steps in front of the cabin after a long day’s work on the fields. They had had some really long and good talks out here.

The inside of the cabin didn’t look much better than the outside, but the good thing was that among all the junk that was stored there, they found some stuff that Noah could actually use. There was an old mattress that had definitely seen better days but was still fully usable, and they also found a table and few chairs that Luke remembered were being used in the farm house when he was a kid. The sink and the toilet were working, just like Luke had hoped, and while the place wasn’t exactly high class, it should definitely be possible to stay there for a few days.

“So… what do you think?” Luke asked. “I know it’s not much, but-”

“It’s perfect,” Noah said. “I’ll have a roof over my head, a place to sleep and a beautiful view.” He looked at Luke. “I might even have a new friend.”

Luke’s heart beat a little faster. “Yeah, I think you do,” he said and smiled.

And Noah smiled back, a huge and brilliant smile, and Luke knew he was doomed. Completely and utterly doomed.


	2. Part 2

A few days passed, and Luke discovered that one of the positive things about hiding a stray out in the old cabin was that he had a reason to go riding a lot more often than he usually did. He visited Noah at least once a day, and getting to the cabin on horseback was a lot quicker than walking, and a lot more fun, too. However, the first time he came galloping through the woods, he had scared Noah enough to go hiding in the inner corner of the cabin, afraid that the approaching rider was someone other than Luke. But that only happened the first time. Every time after that, Noah knew who was coming, and came to meet Luke outside the cabin.

Noah always had a huge smile on his face when Luke approached, and Luke’s heart skipped a beat every time he saw it. He was no longer trying to deny or ignore how he felt about Noah. There was no point, because every minute spent with Noah only made his feelings grow stronger. Noah was such a beautiful person, both inside and out, and the connection Luke felt to him was different from anything he had ever felt before. What he used to feel for Kevin was nothing compared to this. This was stronger, more real and a whole lot more than just a crush. Luke knew that he was in deep trouble, but there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He didn’t even really want to do anything.

He had been waiting his whole life to feel something like this.

Luke jumped off the horse outside the cabin and patted his neck. “That’s a good boy, Aragorn,” he murmured affectionately. “Go on and drink some water.” He gave the horse an encouraging smack and Aragorn sauntered towards the small creek not far from the cabin.

“His name is _Aragorn_?” Noah laughed as he came down the steps from the small porch outside the cabin. Luke’s heart beat a little faster at the sound of Noah’s laughter – he was pretty sure it was the most wonderful sound in the world. Especially knowing what Noah had been through. It was just great to see him do so well, and it was amazing how much he had changed since that first night in the barn. He was certainly still scared, but he also seemed a lot happier and seeing that made Luke feel all warm inside.

He felt his cheeks flush red at Noah’s question. “Yeah, I was in a _The Lord of the Rings_ phase a couple of years ago,” he explained. “And my dad always lets me and my sisters help name the horses, so we now have an Aragorn, a Frodo, a Merry and a Pippin in the stables. We used to have a Bilbo too, but my dad sold him a while ago.”

Noah grinned wide. “Those are great names,” he agreed. “And the movies are great, too.”

“The movies?” He threw Noah a suspicious look. “Don’t tell me you haven’t read the books.”

It was Noah’s turn to blush. “I’m more of a movie buff than a book fan,” he admitted. “And… at the risk of making myself sound like a complete idiot, I thought there was only one book.”

“No, there are three,” Luke informed, trying his best to hide his exasperation over this lack of basic knowledge. “Or, actually, there are six, because there are two books in each volume. And yeah, true, they’re usually published together in one big book, but they were originally published as three. Just like there are three movies. And this trilogy is a really classic work of fiction. I mean, the movies are good, but the books are fantastic.”

“And really long,” Noah pointed out. “It must take forever to get through them.”

“Yeah, but that’s the good thing,” Luke insisted. “It’s amazing to be able to step into that world and just stay there for a while. Get lost in it. Forget about everything else.”

Noah smiled a little. “Yeah, that’s how I feel whenever I watch a movie,” he said softly, and Luke smiled too, at discovering another thing they had in common.

Luke followed Noah into the cabin. In the few days that had passed since Noah moved in, Noah had actually managed to make it pretty homey. Most of the cabin was still full of junk, but they had cleared out a corner by the window, and Noah had turned it into a pretty cozy place, with a sleeping place and an eating area. Luke had brought him clothes, towels, a few toiletries and some other necessary items and Noah seemed to like his new home, no matter how small and simple.

“So, you’re a movie fan?” Luke asked, setting the bag of food he brought for Noah down on the table.

“You could say that,” Noah said. “If it wasn’t for the movies, I don’t know how I would have survived growing up with my father.” His face took on an expression of sadness and, yes, there was that fear again. It seemed to happen every time he mentioned his father. _He must be really scared of him_ , Luke thought.

“How’s that?” Luke asked, sensing an opportunity to get Noah to speak about himself. There were still so many things Luke didn’t know about him.

“The movies are like… friends, I guess,” Noah explained. “I’ve never had many real friends, but the movies were always there, to comfort me, or cheer me up, make me smile or cry… whatever I needed. It’s like you said when you talked about books. I could just disappear into that world and forget about all the other stuff that was going on. My movies were like a… like a safe haven or something.”

Luke nodded. He understood that feeling all too well. “So, do you like all kinds of movies?”

“Yeah, pretty much. For me it’s not so much about the genre, it’s about the story and the characters.” Noah smiled a little. “But I do have a special fondness for the classics. Especially the ones in black and white.”

“Really?” Luke asked, a little disbelieving. He was certainly no expert, but he had always thought that black and white movies seemed incredibly boring and full of clichés. There was definitely not much action there.

“Yeah. There’s something special about those old movies. Something real. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, but they have something that I find is lacking in a lot of movies today. There is… passion there. And soul.” He looked at Luke. “Have you ever watched a movie from the 30s or 40s? Or even the 50s or 60s?”

Luke thought about it for a moment. He had to admit then whenever he watched a movie he usually picked one that was made within the past ten years. “Probably not,” he admitted. “Definitely not from the 30s or 40s.”

“Then you’re missing out on something great,” Noah said. “I’ll have to show you some of the classics one day.”

A rush of joy ran through Luke. It was the first time Noah had mentioned the possibility of them staying friends in the future. “That would be great,” he said. And he meant it. The idea of sitting in a dark room alone with Noah, maybe curled up on the couch together… It wouldn’t really matter what kind of movie was playing, as long as he was watching it with Noah.

As long as he was with Noah he would gladly watch black and white movies all day long.

 

 

***

 

 

The next day Luke was determined to finish his barn chores as quickly as possible. He had agreed to babysit later that day and if he finished in the barn early then maybe he had time to visit Noah first.

He had a feeling his mom only asked him to look after his sisters because she wanted an excuse to get him to come home for a while, but he just couldn’t be bothered making a big deal out of it. Plus, he hadn’t seen his sisters in a while and he was actually missing them, even as annoying as they could be.

But he had to see Noah first. He wasn’t sure how late he would be back from babysitting and the thought of maybe not seeing Noah until the next day was kind of unbearable. So he put everything into getting the job done as quickly as possible. If he was efficient, he might only need another hour to finish.

“Hi, Merry,” he greeted as he entered the next stall. “How are you doing today, boy?”

Merry nodded his head a few times and Luke couldn’t help but smile. Those who thought that animals were stupid or didn’t understand anything had no idea what they were talking about. He patted Merry’s neck affectionately, and started mucking out the stall.

He was about halfway done when he heard his name being called from further inside the barn.

“Over here, dad!” he called back and stepped out of the stall to see his dad coming towards him. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing special,” Holden said, stopping in front of Luke. “I was just wondering if you have time for a break and maybe a little chat with your old man?”

A part of Luke really wanted to say no. He needed to hurry up and get the work done to have any hopes at all of seeing Noah today. But he and his dad hadn’t really talked in weeks, and with how tense things between him and his parents had been lately, Luke didn’t want to turn down the offer to finally, possibly, have a real talk. So he nodded.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, setting the shovel he had been using aside. He followed Holden over to some bales of hay by the inner wall of the barn. They sat down, and Luke cleaned his hands against his pants.

Holden looked around the barn. “You’re doing a good job out here, Luke. The barn looks nice and clean and the horses are happy.”

Luke smiled a little at the praise. “Thank you. I really like being around the horses,” he said.

Holden smiled. “You always did. When you were three or four years old you used to run off from me and your mother whenever you got the chance. And when we started to look for you, we would always find you out here, speaking with the horses. They were always your friends.”

It was true. The horses had always been special to him, for as long as he could remember. They were someone he could talk to when no one else would listen.

“You seem to be doing better these days,” Holden said, looking at him.

Luke shrugged. “I guess.” The truth was that he was feeling _a lot_ better, in fact, he was feeling pretty amazing, but as long as he couldn’t tell his father the reason behind it, he didn’t want to let him know that.

“You do,” Holden said. “You seem calmer. More content. Not so restless and lost as you were a few weeks ago.”

Luke nodded. That was certainly true. He had changed a lot during the past couple of weeks. And it was all a result of spending time in the barn and getting to know Noah.

“Luke, I want you to know something,” his father said, making Luke look at him. “I want you to know that you can talk to me. About anything. I know things have been a little strained between us lately, especially after what happened with the tractor. But that’s in the past now. You have really picked yourself up and you are making up for the mistakes you’ve made, and I’m really proud of you for that. You’re strong, Luke. I always knew that you would get through this, and it makes me very happy to see that you are doing so well.”

Luke ducked his head and swallowed a lump in his throat. His father’s words meant the world to him. Especially knowing how disappointed Holden had been in him lately. But it also made Luke feel guilty. Guilty because he wasn’t telling his father the whole truth. Holden still didn’t know the real reason why Luke messed up so bad. Didn’t know that Luke was gay. And Luke had no idea how he would react when he found out.

He wasn’t sure if he would be able to take it if Holden couldn’t accept that part of him. Him being gay wasn’t something that would change, or something he could make up for with barn chores, nor should he have to. Being gay was who he was. And it was okay. He knew that.

He just hoped that the people he loved would see it that way, too.

He looked up at Holden. He had just told Luke that he could tell him anything. But no, Luke decided, this wasn’t the time for confessions. Luke still wasn’t ready to share his secret.

“Thank you, dad,” he said instead. “I know I can talk to you. It’s just that some things are really hard to talk about.”

Holden nodded. “I understand that. Just remember that I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

For a second Luke wondered if he had said too much. He pretty much just admitted that he _was_ hiding something from Holden. Did his father suspect anything? Did he know? No, how could he? No one knew. Holden only offered his support for whatever it was Luke was carrying around, there was no way he could know what it was. Luke relaxed a little.

“Thank you,” he said again. And after a moment’s pause, “And I’m really, really sorry about the tractor.”

Holden sighed and looked at him. “Luke, I don’t care about the tractor. I care about you. And you scared me, Luke. Not only did you drink, which is dangerous enough in itself for you. You also got behind the wheel of the tractor while you were drunk. You are smart enough to know how stupid and dangerous that is.”

Luke looked away. He wanted to cry with embarrassment and regret. Having his father be disappointed in him was the absolute worst feeling in the world.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I won’t ever do something like that again. I promise you.”

Holden’s face softened. “I know that, Luke. I think you’ve learned your lesson. I’ve seen the change in you over the past couple of weeks. I’ve seen that you really want to make up for what you’ve done. Just remember to take care of yourself, too. About what _you_ need.”

_I need you, dad. I need you and mom and Aaron and Faith and Nat and the rest of this big, crazy family._

___I need Noah._

The thought was unexpected and took him by surprise. He hadn’t fully realized it until now, but it was true. He did need Noah. Noah had become so important to him in such a short period of time that it scared Luke a little. Noah wasn’t someone he should have these kinds of feelings for. It wouldn’t go anywhere. In the end it would only break his heart.

But it was too late for that. He was in too deep.

And he didn’t really want to be anywhere else.

How he wished he could have talked to Holden about all this. Get his advice. But he couldn’t. Not yet. And he couldn’t betray Noah’s trust. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Holden announced that he had some errands to run, and Luke went back to work. He was relieved when he checked the time and discovered that it wasn’t too late. He would still have time to see Noah.

 

 

***

 

 

“Sorry I’m late,” Luke said as he jumped off Aragorn’s back upon reaching the cabin. “My dad came to me while I was working in the barn. He wanted us to have a chat.”

Noah took Aragorn’s reins, and Luke noticed how comfortable he seemed around the horse now. He had come a long way since his first meeting with the horses, when he had preferred to keep at least a five feet distance to them. He still hadn’t been _on_ a horse though. Luke was determined to make that happen before Noah left the farm.

“You don’t have to apologize, Luke,” Noah said. “It’s not like we had a date or anything. There isn’t a set time here.”

Luke looked up at the word _date_. Was there a reason why Noah used that word? Would they ever actually have a real date? Did Noah want that?

And why was he even thinking that way? Noah would be leaving soon, there wouldn’t be a date. Luke didn’t even know if Noah was gay, or even interested in him. After all, Noah had given him absolutely no reason to believe that he was.

“So what did your dad want?” Noah asked as they sat down on the grass in front of the cabin. It was a warm and sunny day, perfect for lounging in the sun. Because of the surrounding trees, the area around the cabin was mostly covered in shadows, but there were a few sunny spots there as well, which Luke and Noah now took full advantage off.

“Oh, nothing special. He just wanted to talk.”

Noah looked a little worried. “He doesn’t suspect anything, does he? About me?”

“Oh, no. No, that wasn’t what he wanted to talk about at all. He… he actually told me how proud he was of me.”

Noah smiled and relaxed a little. “You sound like that is something unusual. Why wouldn’t he be proud of you?”

Luke hesitated for a second. Noah didn’t know about any of the stuff that had happened between him and his parents. What would he think if he did know? Would he be as disappointed in Luke as his parents had been? Maybe. But Luke really wanted, and needed, to talk to someone. He had been so lonely for such a long time, and Noah was someone he had come to really trust. _Oh, what the hell…_

“Do you remember…,” he began, “On the night that we met… I believe I told you that things have been a little tense between my parents and me lately.”

Noah nodded. “Yeah, you said it was because of something you did.”

“Yeah,” Luke sighed. “I really messed up.” He took a deep breath. He felt as if he was about to jump off a cliff. “I have a drinking problem.”

Noah’s eyes grew big. This obviously wasn’t what he expected to hear.

“I used to drink a lot, every night,” Luke went on. “Me and this guy called Kevin, we used to sneak off somewhere and share whatever alcohol we could get a hold of. We would get really drunk and a lot of the time I wouldn’t even come home at night. I know my parents were worried about me, but they didn’t know how bad it really was… until I crashed the tractor.”

“You crashed a tractor?” Noah asked disbelieving.

Luke nodded slowly. “Yeah. I drove it straight into a fence. It seems now like such a stupid thing to do, because I know how dangerous it can be to drink and drive, but I was drunk and had no control over what I was doing. My dad came, and found me and Kevin completely shitfaced. I have never seen him so disappointed and upset. He and my mother made me promise to quit drinking and to stay away from Kevin after that.”

“Wow,” Noah said. “That’s some pretty heavy stuff.” He looked at Luke. “So have you? Stayed away from Kevin and from alcohol, I mean.”

Luke nodded. “Yes, I have. It hasn’t been easy, but I know how completely stupid it is for me to drink, and I know being around Kevin will only make me want to do it again.” Time for another confession. “You see, I had a kidney transplant a while ago. And because of that, alcohol can be pretty dangerous for me. So I really shouldn’t be drinking at all.”

“But you did it anyway. Even though you knew the consequences. Why?”

Luke looked at Noah. He couldn’t see any disappointment on his face. Or any judgment. Just support.

Luke thought for a second. How much could he tell Noah? “I’ve been feeling pretty lost lately,” he explained. “Lost and confused and… lonely, I guess. And when I drank, I could forget about those feelings for a while. It was just easier. To shut everything out. Almost like with the books, I guess. Does that make any sense at all?”

Noah nodded slowly. “Yeah. It does. Even though I’ve never used alcohol that way, I can understand the need to… escape. From reality.”

“Yeah, exactly. It was a stupid way to do it, especially for me, but I felt like it was working, so I kept doing it. And then I also wanted to impress Kevin.”

Noah looked confused. “Why would you need to impress him? Isn’t he your friend?”

“Well, yeah, I guess,” Luke said slowly. He was suddenly really nervous. _Here goes nothing…_ “But he’s also the guy I used to have a massive crush on.”

Noah’s eyes got really wide. He stared at Luke. Luke nodded. “Yeah. I’m gay.” He smiled a little. “And you’re actually the first person I’ve told.”

Noah just kept staring. “You… you’re gay?” he stuttered.

“Yeah,” Luke said. “Why, do you have a problem with it?”

“Oh, no!” Noah shook his head furiously. “No, not at all. I just… wasn’t expecting it.”

“Because I look so straight?” Luke teased.

“No! I mean… um…” Noah flushed. Then he looked down for a moment, and when he looked up at Luke again there was a little smile on his face. “No, I don’t have a problem with it at all. In fact, I’m honored that you told me, especially since you haven’t told anyone else.” He paused for a second. “Why did you tell me?”

“Because I trust you.” He smiled at Noah. “And because I think that if I didn’t tell someone, I might burst soon. And that, for me, might mean that I would start drinking again. And that’s the last thing I want to do. Or should do. So I’m unburdening myself on you instead.” He looked sideways at Noah. “Sorry.”

Noah shook his head. “No, don’t apologize. I’m… I’m glad you felt that you could tell me. It means a lot, actually.”

Silence. Luke didn’t quite know what to make of Noah’s words. At least he didn’t freak out. That had been his biggest fear.

“So, why haven’t you told anyone else?” Noah asked. “Like your parents? Your dad sounds pretty cool.”

Luke nodded. “He is. I always thought he’d been the first person I tell.” He shrugged. “I’m just scared. Scared that they won’t accept who I am or that they’ll start looking at me differently. And I’ve given them so many other things to be disappointed about lately. I don’t want to add to it.”

“I can understand that, but why should they be disappointed in you because you’re gay? That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s one of the many things that make you who you are. And from what you have told me about you and your family, I can tell that everybody really loves you.”

“I know that. And I’m not ashamed of who I am. I’m just… I’m scared that they will be.”

“They won’t,” Noah assured him, looking in straight in the eye. “You’re amazing, Luke. How could they be ashamed of you?”

Tears were clouding his vision as he looked at Noah. Noah thought he was amazing. Noah didn’t look at him differently or think any less of him now that he knew the truth. Noah liked him just the way he was.

Luke didn’t realize just how scared he had been until right this moment, when it was over, and an enormous feeling of relief and gratitude crashed down on him.

The moment dragged out as they looked at each other. Luke found himself unable to take his eyes off Noah. Noah was so gorgeous. Gorgeous _and_ amazing. Too good to be true, almost. And the way he was looking at Luke now was… Luke almost stopped breathing. For a split second he thought he saw something on Noah’s face. Something new. Was Noah looking at him differently after all? But no, it was already gone. Luke wasn’t entirely sure he had even seen it.

He finally forced himself out of his daze. “Thank you,” he said. “I can’t even explain how much it means to me that you’re taking it so well. You’re a wonderful friend, Noah.”

Noah smiled a little at that. “You’re pretty great yourself, Luke.”

And somehow there didn’t seem to be much more to say after that. So they didn’t. And that was okay.

 

 

***

 

 

“I brought you something,” Luke said when he arrived at the cabin a couple of days later. He jumped off the back of the horse he was riding for the day, Pippin, and pulled off the backpack he was wearing. Inside, he found the rectangular, wrapped gift he had gotten for Noah and handed it to him. Noah took it, but gave Luke a questioning look.

“You got me a present?”

Luke nodded. “Yeah. Open it.”

Noah didn’t move. He just looked at the gift in his hands. “But… why?”

“Why should you open it?” Luke grinned.

“No…” Noah shook his head. “Why did you get me a present?”

Luke shrugged. “Why not?” Noah looked far from convinced, and Luke sighed. “Look, Noah. It’s just a little something for you to entertain yourself with all these long hours you’re out here by yourself. And I have purely selfish reasons for giving it to you, anyway. Just open it, please?”

Noah considered him for a moment, and then he slowly began to unwrap the present. He took his time, making sure not to tear the paper, and Luke moved impatiently from one foot to the other while he waited. He could hardly contain his excitement, eagerly waiting to hear what Noah would say when he saw what it was.

Finally Noah had removed all the paper. “ _The Lord of the Rings_ ,” he read on the front cover of the book. He looked up at Luke. “You didn’t.”

Luke smiled brightly. “I did. You’re not leaving Oakdale before you’ve finished this book. It’s a must-read.”

Noah flipped through some of the pages. “Looks like I’m staying for a while, then. This is going to take me weeks to get through.”

Yeah, Luke might have had that in mind when decided to go to the book store and buy _The Lord of the Rings_ for Noah. But he also really wanted to give Noah something to do. And Luke could think of nothing better than getting lost in a good book.

“I know,” Luke grinned and started pulling the rest of the stuff he had brought out of the backpack. “You can thank me when you’re done with the book. And here are the groceries you asked for. This should last for a couple of days, I guess. I’m going into town again at the end of the week so I can get you some more supplies then.”

Noah nodded, taking the groceries from Luke. They had found a way to get Noah the food he needed that worked well for both of them. Noah was carrying with him quite a bit of cash when he arrived at the farm, money he had withdrawn from his bank account a few days before arriving in Oakdale. He had given some of the money to Luke, and Luke used them to buy groceries for Noah a couple of times a week. This way, Luke didn’t have to take food from the farm, something he knew would have made Emma suspicious eventually, and Noah felt better about it too, knowing he paid for his own food. But Luke still brought Noah some left-over dinner from time to time and after some convincing Noah usually accepted it, having learned by now that Emma Snyder’s cooking was something you just didn’t say no to.

They sat on the steps in front of the cabin while Noah ate. Luke fidgeted a little with a twig he had picked up from the ground.

“Are you doing okay, Noah?” he asked after a long silence.

Noah looked up from the food. “What do you mean?”

Luke met his gaze. “I mean this,” he said, gesturing around him. “Staying here, in this shabby old cabin that doesn’t even have electricity or a proper bed for you to sleep in. Not seeing anybody but me. Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

Noah sat down the paper plate that contained his food. “Yeah,” he said. “Luke, this is more than I could ask for. You should have seen some of the places I slept before I came here. Before you helped me. This place is safe and it’s dry, plus, I have you. Being on the run is actually not that bad when I’m here.”

Luke smiled a little. “Yeah, but…” He took a breath, knowing that Noah would not like what he had to say. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe we should tell my parents. Or my grandmother. They would help you. Give you a proper roof over your head, maybe help you figure out what to do about your father.”

Noah was shaking his head before Luke had even finished talking. “No, Luke. We can’t tell anyone, not even your family.”

“But, why? Maybe they could talk with your father, or something-”

“No.” Noah sighed. “Luke, I’m not dragging your family into this. It’s bad enough that you are involved.” He looked at Luke intently. “My father, he… he’s violent, Luke. I honestly don’t know what he’s capable of. I’m pretty sure that me running away has made him more furious than ever and if he found out that you have been helping me…” He shook his head. “I’m not taking that chance. I’m his flesh and blood, but you’re not. I’m not going to risk him doing anything to you.”

Luke didn’t even know what to say to that. He was glad that Noah seemed to care about him so much, enough to rather stay in this old cabin than risk putting Luke in danger, but even as the butterflies were fluttering like crazy at that revelation, one thing Noah said caught his attention.

“Noah…” he asked in alarm. “What do you mean he’s violent? Has he… has he done anything to you?”

Noah hesitated before he answered. “No… it’s not that. But I’ve seen what he can do. I’ve seen how he gets when he’s training soldiers on base. And… I think he might have hit my mother on a regular basis before she died.”

Luke gasped in shock. “Really? God, Noah…” This was even worse than he thought. No wonder Noah ran away. “Couldn’t anyone do something? Contact the police or… anything?”

Noah shook his head and gave a bitter laugh. “No one knew. My dad is an expert at keeping up the façade. Outwards he’s this great man, a brilliant colonel whom everybody respects, but inside his own home he shows his true self. And it’s not pretty.”

They were quiet for a while. Luke didn’t know how much he should push Noah about this subject. It was pretty clear that this wasn’t something that Noah liked to talk about. And there was always real fear in his eyes whenever he did. This conversation just confirmed what Luke already suspected – that Noah wasn’t just a boy who ran away from home after a fight with his father. Noah was actually really, really scared and he had good reason to.

“I’m sorry, Noah,” he said finally. “I probably shouldn’t have brought it up, but I just wish I could offer you something better than this. You’re my friend and I just… I wish I could do _more_ , that’s all.”

Noah was quiet for a moment. “You’re amazing, Luke. You’ve done so much for me already, and still you want to do more.” He smiled, ducking his head a little shyly. “I’m really glad that you’re the one who found me.”

“Me too,” Luke agreed with a small smile “And you should know that you’ve done a lot for me, too. Before you arrived I was feeling really low and I was fighting hard with myself every day to get over Kevin and to not start drinking again. And then you turned up. And you were exactly what I needed. A friend I could talk to, that I could trust. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough, Noah.”

On impulse, Luke leaned closer and pulled Noah into a hug. For a brief second he thought he felt Noah stiffen, but then he slowly wrapped his arms around Luke and returned the embrace. Luke sighed and closed his eyes. Being in Noah’s arms felt better that he ever imagined it would be. He would gladly stay there forever. Noah smelled wonderful, he _felt_ wonderful. And amazingly, he didn’t pull away, not even when they had been hugging a whole lot longer than a hug between friends usually lasted. Luke certainly didn’t complain. He allowed himself to stay right where he was for a while. And it was perfect.

But sadly, they had to pull away eventually. When they did, Luke saw that look in Noah’s eyes again, the one the thought he saw a few days earlier. The one he couldn’t quite read. Noah looked at him like… like he was seeing Luke for the first time. He looked surprised, confused, and… was that hint of fear he saw on Noah’s face?

But then Noah flushed and looked away. And Luke, not sure what to do or think, slowly got to his feet. He threw a look at his watch.

“Um, I should probably go,” he said apologetically. “I had to promise my mom I wouldn’t stay out too late in the evenings. A woman was killed in Oakdale a couple of days ago, and it’s made my mom even more worried than usual.”

“Maybe she has reason to be,” Noah said, getting up from the steps. “I mean, if someone was killed?”

“Maybe. But apparently the woman was a prostitute, and I’m not saying that that makes it any less horrible or anything, but it makes me think that someone was out to get _her_ specifically, and that this isn’t some crazy person running around, targeting random people. Maybe it was a jealous customer or something. Either way, I really hope the police can find out who did it.” He sighed. “I can’t help but think that my mom saw this as a convenient opportunity to get me to stay at home more. I think she’s still scared that I’ll start drinking again.”

“But doesn’t she see how far you’ve come?” Noah asked. “I mean, even I can see that, and I haven’t even known you for that long.”

“Yeah,” Luke said. “But my mom… she just worries a lot. And I suppose I can’t blame her. I haven’t given her much reason to trust me lately. And it probably doesn’t help that I’m staying at the farm, where she doesn’t see me every day. I should probably think about moving home eventually, especially when the baby is born, but I just… I don’t think I’m ready yet. I love my mom, but having her around all the time can be a pretty exhausting.”

“Maybe you should talk to her,” Noah suggested. “Tell her that you are doing well and that she doesn’t have to worry so much.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Luke said thoughtfully. “Well, I should go. I’ll be back tomorrow. And by then you better be several chapters into _The Lord of the Rings_.

Noah chuckled. “I’ll do my best.”

Luke called on Pippin, who came over right away and nodded enthusiastically with his head. “See, he approves of my choice of literature, too,” Luke said, grinning at Noah.

Noah burst out laughing at that and it went straight to Luke’s heart. It felt like it was beating harder and sinking a little in his chest at the same time. _How am I ever going to be able to let him go…?_

 

 

***

 

 

The next day Luke finished his barn chores early and drove into Old Town. He had an idea to surprise Noah, but for it to work he needed to buy a few things. It wasn’t something he usually bought, so when he was riding out to the cabin a couple of hours later, he really hoped that Noah would like what he had picked out.

As usual, Noah was waiting for him outside the cabin. He was sitting on the steps with his copy of _The Lord of the Rings_ in his lap and Luke was thrilled to see that he seemed to be several chapters in already. When he spotted Luke, he put the book down and came over to meet him.

“Hi!” he said with his usual, big smile. He took Aragorn’s reins while Luke jumped off.

“Hi,” Luke grinned back. “I see you’ve kept yourself busy.” He nodded towards the book lying on the stone steps.

“I have,” Noah proudly proclaimed. “You’ll be happy to know that I’m already at chapter six. And I read the whole prologue too.” He sounded quite pleased with himself.

Luke’s smile grew wider. “That’s what I like to hear. Do you like it so far?”

“Yeah, it’s great. And not as difficult to read as I thought. I like that we get to learn so much more about the world and about the characters than we did in the movies.”

“Yeah, that’s one of the great things about it,” Luke agreed. He started pulling off his backpack. “And because you’ve been such an eager reader, I have a surprise for you.”

“Another one?” Noah asked. “You don’t need to give me stuff, Luke.”

“I know that. But this isn’t just for you. It’s for me, too.”

That seemed to make Noah curious, and he watched as Luke started to pull things out of his backpack. He looked quizzically at Luke.

“You got me a computer?”

Luke smiled a little. “Um, no. Sorry. This is my laptop. I would have gotten you one, but with no electricity you wouldn’t have been able to use it for very long.”

Noah looked confused. “So why did you bring yours?”

“Because…” Luke pulled the things he had bought in Old Town out of the backpack. “I thought we could watch a movie together.”

He handed Noah the selection of DVDs he had brought. Noah just stared at them for a moment before he took them.

“I have no idea if this is the kind of stuff you like,” Luke went on. “I asked the guy at the movie store if he could recommend me some classics, and this is what he gave me. So I might be way off-”

“No, Luke,” Noah said, as he looked at the DVD covers. “This is perfect. _Casablanca_ … _The Best Years of Our Lives_ … _Gone With the Wind_ … These are some of my favorites.” He looked up at Luke. “This is amazing. I can’t believe you did this.”

Luke smiled, relieved to see that Noah seemed happy with the movies he had picked out. “I figured since you’re reading a book that I love, that I should watch some movies that you love. And it’s always more fun to watch together, so…”

“I can’t believe this,” Noah repeated, sounding a little dazed. “I hated that I had to leave my movies when I left home. They were the hardest things to leave behind.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see what all the fuss is about,” Luke said. “What do you say we watch one right away?”

Noah wasn’t very hard to convince and soon they were settled inside the cabin on Noah’s mattress, their backs against the wall and Luke’s laptop in front of them. Noah wasn’t able to decide which movie he wanted to watch the most, so Luke ended up picking one at random.

“ _Casablanca_ it is,” he said as he took the disc out of the cover and put it into the computer. The movie began to roll and Luke leaned back against the pillow he had put between his back and the wall. He was very aware of the fact that his right shoulder was now brushing Noah’s left one, making his heart beat just a little faster than its normal speed.

The laptop screen was pretty small and the sound wasn’t very good, so all in all Luke supposed this was a quite poor movie experience. But it didn’t matter. Because Noah was practically glowing with excitement. He knew almost every single line (and Luke thought it was kind of cute the way he was mouthing the words together with the characters), and Luke began to wonder just how many times Noah had actually watched this movie.

When the end credits rolled over the screen, Noah turned to look at Luke and Luke was surprised to discover that there were actual tears in his eyes (whether it was because of the film, which Luke had to admit ended quite sadly, or because he got the chance to finally watch a movie again, Luke wasn’t sure).

“Thank you, Luke,” Noah said and there was so much sincerity in his voice that Luke had to swallow a lump in his throat. “I don’t know what else to say. Just… thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Luke murmured. “Thank you for sharing this part of your world with me.”

Noah kept his gaze fixed on Luke. For a very long time. Luke didn’t quite know how to read that gaze, and neither did he care because he was too busy drowning in the incredible blue depths that was Noah’s eyes. He almost didn’t even realize that Noah’s face was suddenly a whole lot closer to his own. Not until the second before it happened. The second before Noah kissed him.

Because that was the second he realized what was about to happen, his mind suddenly unable to form any thoughts other than _ohmygodohmygodohmygod_.

Noah’s lips were warm. And soft. And they were kissing him. And it took a moment before Luke’s brain was able to catch up and he got over the surprise enough to actually respond. But when he finally did, the kiss got even better. Those lips got more demanding, more insistent and this little whimpering sound slipped out of Noah and _ohmygod_ Luke couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

When they pulled apart Noah stared wildly at him. His eyes were huge and seemed even bluer than normal and he was breathing hard, not so different from Luke himself, who had a hard time making any sense of the chaos inside of him. Only one thought seemed to stand out more than the others.

_Noah kissed me. Noah kissed me. Noah kissed me._

___Holy shit._

”Luke,” Noah whispered, his voice barely audible. Luke just stared at him, watching the emotions flicker across Noah’s face. “There is something that I haven’t told you.”

_No kidding._

“Do you know the real reason why I ran away from my father?”

Luke just shook his head. It was hard to get any words out.

“He suspected that I was gay.”

Luke swallowed. “And was he right?”

“Yes. He was.”

Luke didn’t know what to say to that. So he said nothing. Instead he reached out and slowly touched Noah’s cheek with his hand. When Noah didn’t move, Luke leaned forward enough to brush his lips against Noah’s, wanting to feel them against his one more time and also because he wanted to reassure Noah that everything was fine, that everything was actually a whole lot more than fine.

And Noah responded and they kissed some more, and Luke was pretty sure that this, right here, had to be the most amazing feeling in the whole world.


	3. Part 3

Luke felt like he was flying.

Ever since he and Noah had kissed the previous day he felt so light and free, like his feet were hardly touching the ground when he walked, and now, as he was riding out to the cabin to see Noah again, he felt like he was actually flying. He closed his eyes, feeling the wind against his face and Ranger’s strong, energetic body underneath him. Luke always felt amazing when he was riding. But today it was like every emotion, every feeling was ten times stronger than usual, and he felt fantastic, like he could do anything. It was an intoxicating feeling.

He could hardly believe what happened the day before. Could hardly believe that Noah liked him. Like _that_. Gorgeous, amazing Noah liked _him_ , Luke Snyder. It felt surreal, almost like a dream. But it wasn’t. Because when he closed his eyes, Luke could still feel Noah’s kiss on his lips. And it was real. It was very, very real.

Noah was waiting for him outside the cabin like he always did, but in addition to the usual huge smile, Luke was also greeted with a kiss and a big hug. He sank into Noah’s arms, sighing with contentment. _I could so get used to this._

“I missed you,” he murmured against Noah’s shoulder, reveling in the fact that he could actually say this now, that he could kiss Noah and hug Noah and tell him all the things he had been feeling for the past few weeks. Because Noah felt them too. For him. That thought alone made Luke hug Noah just a little bit closer.

“I missed you too,” Noah whispered, kissing Luke’s hair, and neither of them thought it was silly to have missed each other so much when they had seen each other only twelve hours before. Because they did. And they could say it. And it was okay.

A little later they were lying on the grass, Luke’s head on Noah’s chest. Noah was playing with Luke’s hair and everything was quiet, apart from the birds singing and the sound of Noah’s heartbeat against Luke’s ear. And Luke’s suddenly realized that _this_ , this was what he had been searching for his whole life. What he had been hoping for, longing for, wished for. It was this feeling. The feeling of complete and utter happiness.

 

 

***

 

 

It was kind of strange, really, how quickly it became natural for them to be a couple. Because that’s what they were now, Luke happily reminded himself over and over, a pang of giddiness hitting him every time he did. They were each others’ boyfriend.

The things they did together weren’t really that different from what they had been doing before. They still talked a lot, or they watched movies on Luke’s laptop, discussed _The Lord of the Rings_ and sometimes Luke entertained Noah with more or less interesting stories about his family.

But everything had changed. Because now Luke would be in Noah’s arms when they talked or watched movies. They would sneak kisses while they discussed _The Lord of the Rings_. And when Luke told Noah stories, Noah would play with his hand or touch his hair and cheek and all of it just felt so right. So natural. Like they were always meant to be doing these things. Meant to be more than just friends.

 

 

***

 

 

“I kind of feel like I owe you an explanation,” Noah confessed a couple of days later. They were walking hand in hand through the woods, following a track that led further up in the hills above the farm. It was a nice day, overcast but warm, and absolutely perfect for taking a long walk.

It was actually rather romantic, Luke thought. Walking with Noah like this, just the two of them. It was nice.

“An explanation for what?” Luke asked, swinging their joined hands back and forth.

Noah looked at him sideways. “You told me that you are gay. And I didn’t tell you that I am, too. Not until…” He flushed. “Not until we kissed. And I’m sorry about that. I should have told you sooner.”

Luke had to admit that he had been wondering about that. Up until that first kiss, Luke had thought that there was no chance of Noah liking him back because he was convinced that Noah was straight. And if that hadn’t been the case, Luke had given Noah the biggest possible opportunity to tell him the truth the day that Luke himself had come out to Noah. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.

“I was scared, I guess. Like you, I hadn’t told anyone. I’m not sure I’d even really admitted it to myself. And when you told me about yourself, I was taken completely off guard. I mean, I liked you. A lot. And I couldn’t believe that there was actually a chance that those feelings I had for you might be reciprocated.”

“Really?” Luke asked, a little disbelieving. “You didn’t notice how I looked at you? How you always made me smile? I mean, I tried my best to hide how I felt, but I don’t think I was very good at it.”

“And I guess I wasn’t very good at reading those signs,” Noah admitted, cheeks slightly pink. “But I can’t believe that you didn’t notice how clumsy and awkward _I_ always acted around _you_.”

“I thought that was just part of your charm.” Luke squeezed his hand, smiling up at him. “I’m glad we figured it all out in the end,” he murmured.

“Me too,” Noah said, giving Luke the most gorgeous smile in return.

They walked in silence for a while.

“Noah…you told me that your father suspected that you’re gay,” Luke said. “What did you mean by that?”

Noah thought about it for a moment. “My father…,” he slowly began, “he couldn’t know for sure that I was gay because I’d never said anything to him, or acted on those feelings, or anything. But he was definitely suspicious. Very much so. And that was actually what we fought about the night I ran away.”

“What made him so suspicious?”

More silence. Luke felt a little bad for asking about this, because once again it became quite obvious that Noah didn’t like talking about his dad. But boyfriends shared things, right? And Luke figured that maybe it was good for Noah, who had always been so alone, to talk about this with someone. And Luke _really_ wanted to be that someone.

Noah considered Luke’s question. “Well, as you know, I didn’t have a lot of friends back home,” he said. “But there was this one group of people, some kids who were into theater, that I would hang out with sometimes. They were great, and happy to include me, and I loved spending time with them at the theater. But my dad didn’t like it at all. I think for him, that was the first sign that things weren’t… quite as they should be.”

Luke didn’t say anything. He had learned that sometimes it was best to just let Noah talk uninterrupted.

“But what really made him suspicious, was some… some magazines he found in my room.” Noah blushed. “I had hidden them well, at least I thought I had, but he found them anyway. My father is really good at that. Finding things. And I knew he went through my room sometimes when I wasn’t home. So I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have kept things like that in the house at all. But, well… I did.”

“He didn’t tell me that he had found them, though,” Noah continued. “But I knew. I could usually tell whenever he had been going through my things. And then a couple of days later, the same night that I ran away, he gave me the brochure. To this place. Echo Lake.”

“Echo Lake?” Luke asked.

“According to the brochure, it’s a camp of sorts,” Noah said. “Where kids can go and stay for a while and there are different activities, sports, canoeing, rock climbing, you name it. Sounds innocent enough, right?” Noah’s voice suddenly had a bitter edge to it. “At first I thought my dad only wanted to send me there to get me away from my theater friends. Give me some time to think, or whatever. Find myself. That’s what he said.”

Luke sensed a ‘but’ coming up.

“But something felt really off about the whole thing. Not just the place, but the way my dad acted when he gave me that brochure. He’s never been a particularly warm person, but the way he looked at me that day… His eyes were so cold. It scared the crap out of me. And he was so determined to send me to that camp and I couldn’t understand why. So I did a little online search. And at first everything looked fine. I found reviews from parents who raved about what a wonderful effect the camp had had on their kids. But once I started to dig a little deeper, I found out the real, ugly truth about the place.” He looked at Luke. “Echo Lake is a place where parents send their kids to get ‘fixed’.”

“Fixed?” Luke asked confused.

Noah looked pointedly at him. “It’s where parents send their gay kids to make them straight, Luke.”

It was like someone had turned a bucket of ice cold water over him. “W-what?”

“A de-gaying camp. They actually exist, you know.”

No, he didn’t know. Of course he had heard the horrific stories, but he always thought that was all they were: Stories. Because how could places like that actually exist? And how could parents send their kids there? And to think that Noah had almost been one of those kids? Luke shuddered a little at the thought. God knows what could have happened to Noah at a place like that.

He had stopped walking at some point. Noah turned and looked at him.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Luke just shook his head. He took a step closer to Noah and wrapped his arms around him. Noah softly kissed his hair.

“It’s okay, Luke,” he murmured. “I got away, I ran away the same night he presented me with the brochure. I wasn’t going to let him send me to that place.”

Luke nodded against Noah’s chest. “I’m so glad you’re here, Noah,” he whispered.

“Me too,” Noah whispered back.

They stayed like that for a while. Because it was nice being in Noah’s arms like this, and because Luke really needed the reassurance that those arms gave him. But after a while he made himself pull away. It was entirely wrong that _Noah_ should be the one to comfort _him_ , when it was Noah who had had to grow up with a man like Colonel Mayer for a father.

“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I don’t know why this upsets me so much. I mean, apart from the fact that I really hate that you had to go through that with your dad, I guess it’s just hard for me to hear that some people dislike what you and I are so much that they are willing to do anything to make sure their kids aren’t like us. Like it’s a disease that can be cured or something. I just don’t get it. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of doubts and insecurities before I came to terms with being gay, and I’ve been scared about what people will think about it, but…” He looked up at Noah. “How can someone think that what I feel for you is _so wrong_?”

Noah smiled sadly. “I don’t know, Luke. I just know that meeting you, and being with you, has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And some people may think that it’s wrong, us being together, but to me, nothing has ever felt so _right_.”

 _And that was all that really mattered, wasn’t it?_ Luke thought to himself as he once again found himself enveloped by Noah’s arms. He sighed. Unfortunately it wasn’t that easy, though. He knew there was a conversation he needed to have with his parents, one that was long overdue. And hearing about places like Echo Lake didn’t exactly make him any less nervous about it.

 

 

***

 

 

The opportunity came a lot sooner than Luke was prepared for.

That evening, his mom called to invite him over to the house for dinner the next day, and Luke couldn’t find any reason to say no. Mostly because no matter how difficult things had been lately, he really did miss his family. And it was probably time to soon start thinking about moving home anyway. The baby was supposed to be born in just a couple of weeks and he had promised himself he would be around more after that. So he accepted his mother’s dinner invitation and couldn’t help but smile a little when he heard how thrilled she was.

When he arrived at the house the next day he discovered that he wasn’t the only one his mother had invited. His grandma Lucinda was there too, greeting him with kisses and her usual “Hello, darling”. Luke was glad to see her. At least with her around, there was less chance of the dinner becoming an awkward affair.

But when it later turned out that Lucinda was taking his sisters to a children’s play right after dinner, leaving Luke alone with his parents, he became a lot more suspicious. Had his parents planned this whole thing to get him alone? And if they had, what exactly were they planning to do?

But then he mentally kicked himself for being so stupid. This was his parents; there was no reason for being so paranoid. And this might be exactly the opportunity that he needed. A chance to have a talk alone with them, without interruptions. Because he had to tell them everything. Well, everything apart from Noah, of course. He couldn’t put it off any longer.

He suddenly felt a little dizzy with fear. Tonight could change his entire life. Whether it would be for the better or for the worse, was yet to be seen.

Lucinda and the girls left right after dessert. Luke and his parents sat down in the living room, Holden explaining to Luke that he had contacted the vet to come take a look at Magic’s foot. The day before Luke had noticed that she was limping a little, and Holden, not wanting to take any chances, had arranged for the vet to come to the farm the following day.

“He’ll be there at around 11 tomorrow, so I hope I can count on you to stick around, Luke”, Holden said. “Since you have so much responsibility in the stables now, I think it’s a good idea for you to hear what he has to say.”

Luke nodded absentmindedly. His nervousness made it difficult to focus on what Holden was saying. _I need to get this over with right away. If not, I might not be able to do it._

“Mom, dad,” he said before he had time to change his mind, his voice shaking a little. “There is something that I need to tell you.”

His parents looked at him. Holden, who had just started to give Luke an update on the ongoing investigation to find out who murdered that prostitute (apparently the police had found some blood in the room where she got killed, blood that didn’t belong to her, but quite possibly her killer, who seemed to have gotten injured somehow), and had apparently been mid sentence, closed his mouth and looked questioningly at Luke.

Luke had no idea where to start. He let his thoughts drift to Noah for a moment, to how Noah’s smile always made him feel better, how Noah’s hand in his own made everything make sense and how just one kiss from Noah made Luke feel like he could do anything. For a moment it was like he could see that smile, feel those lips against his own and hear Noah’s voice, reassuring him that he could do this. Luke took a deep breath, looking at his parents’ expectant faces.

“First of all I want to say that I’m sorry. For all the mess that I made when I was drinking. For making you worry so much. I know I’ve said it before, but you need to know that I really, _really_ mean it. And I’m trying to change, I really am.”

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but Holden, obviously sensing that Luke wasn’t done, touched her arm to silence her. Luke shot his father a quick, grateful smile.

“But I never told you the reason why I got myself into that mess in the first place,” he went on. “The reason why I was drinking.” He paused. “The truth is that I was scared.”

“Scared about what?” Lily asked before anyone could stop her. She looked worried.

Luke looked at her. “Scared that if you knew the truth about me… you might not love me anymore.” His voice was cracking on the last words. He fought with himself to keep the tears back. _I need to get through this._

Lily looked even more worried. “Sweetie, what’s going on? How could you even think that?”

Luke looked at his parents. There was no going back now.

“I’m gay,” he blurted out.

The room was suddenly dead quiet. Luke came to think about that phrase, _so quiet you can hear a pin drop_. Rarely had it seemed more accurate than now. He chanced a glance up at his parents. His dad was nodding slowly to himself and didn’t look at all that surprised at Luke’s revelation. _He suspected it_ , Luke realized. _He has always known me better than anyone_.

Lily, on the other hand, had not suspected it. At least, if Luke was to judge by the look on her face right now. She looked absolutely shell-shocked. She stared at him, her mouth opening and closing a few times, like she was struggling to find something to say.

But neither she nor Holden said anything for a long time. And after a while Luke started to find the silence much too uncomfortable, and decided to say something himself.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” he said. “But I was really struggling to come to terms with it myself, and it’s not until these past few weeks that I’ve managed to fully accept it.”

Holden leaned forward, looking Luke in the eyes. “It’s okay, Luke. Thank you for telling us. I wish you came to us sooner, but I understand that this is something that you needed time to deal with yourself first.”

Luke nodded, smiling gratefully at his father. The relief he felt at seeing Holden accept the truth so easily was almost overwhelming. “Thank you, dad. I wanted to talk to you about it sooner, I really did, but I was just too scared.”

He moved forward a little, giving Holden a big hug. Holden hugged him tightly in return and Luke felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. But then he realized that Lily still hadn’t said a single word. He pulled out of Holden’s embrace and looked at her.

“Mom?” he asked uncertainly. There was suddenly a sinking feeling in his gut.

She looked like she was still struggling for words. “Are you sure?” she finally asked. “You’re so young, Luke, and you’ve never dated anyone. That I know of,” she added, looking at him as if she was suddenly wondering exactly how many people he had dated that she _didn’t_ know about. “How can you be so sure about this?”

Luke couldn’t help feeling a little hurt. “I’m sure, mom,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t have told you if I wasn’t.”

“But-”

“Lily,” Holden gently interrupted. “Luke is right. He wouldn’t have shared this with us if he wasn’t sure of how he was feeling.”

Lily looked at her husband. “How can you be so fine with this?”

Holden looked at her. “Because our son is sitting in front of us, telling us something that has been really difficult for him to come to terms with. To accept about himself. And now that he’s brave enough to be honest with us, we need to support him. And tell him that we don’t love him any less than we did before.”

“Of course I support him,” Lily said. She looked at Luke. “And of course I love you, sweetie. That’s never going to change. But you took me by surprise here, and you’re going to have to give me some time.”

“Some time for what?” Luke asked and he couldn’t quite hide the anger and sadness from his voice. This was exactly what he had feared. His own mother couldn’t accept who he was.

“Some time to think,” Lily said. She rose from the couch, her big belly making it difficult for her to get up. “Excuse me.”

She walked out of the room. Luke looked at Holden. “To think about what?” he asked. “Either she accepts who I am or she doesn’t. There’s not that much to think about.”

“Luke,” Holden said, patient as always. “Try putting yourself in your mother’s shoes for a moment. You said it yourself; you needed a long time to come to terms with who you are. And now she’s going to need some time, too. You dropped quite the bomb on her.”

Luke sighed. “Then why aren’t you upset, like she is? You don’t even look surprised.”

“I guess I just always suspected that there was something more to the story. Something you struggled with that caused you to drink in the first place. And now it all makes sense. Frankly, I was worried that something terrible was going on. I’m actually quite relieved.”

“Really?” Luke looked at him skeptically. “You’re really okay with this?”

Holden smiled. “Yes, I am. You being gay… it’s just a part of you. It’s nothing bad, nothing to be ashamed of. It’s who you are. And your mother will see it that way too. You just need to give her a little bit of time.”

Luke sighed. He knew his father was right. He suddenly thought about Noah, and how his father wanted to send him to Echo Lake when he thought that Noah might be gay. Noah was so scared that he was forced to run away from home. So it could definitely have been a lot worse than this.

“I guess I just wish she could have been as cool with it as you are,” Luke said, hugging his father again. “But thank you, dad. Thank you for handling it so well.”

“I’m proud of you, son,” Holden said, stroking his hair just like he used to do when Luke was a kid. “I hope you know that.”

Luke nodded against Holden’s chest, letting the relief wash over him. It was all out in the open now. Even if his mother hadn’t exactly been thrilled with the idea, at least there were no more secrets.

 _Except that’s not really true, is it?_ A voice inside of him reminded him. _There’s still Noah. The stray you are hiding out in the cabin. The one who is also your boyfriend. What would your parents say if they knew about him?_

Yeah. There was still Noah. It was one thing for his parents to (eventually, hopefully) accept Luke. But how would they feel about Noah?

But he wasn’t going to worry about that right now. That was an issue for another day.

 

 

***

 

 

“I told my parents.”

They were snuggled together in the corner of the cabin that served as Noah’s home, having just watched another one of Noah’s favorite movies on Luke’s laptop. Luke had to admit that he would probably never quite understand Noah’s love for the old classics, but they also weren’t as bad as he thought they would be. Some of the movies they had watched were actually pretty good.

But Luke’s favorite part about the whole thing was that he got to watch them with Noah. He loved cuddling up in Noah’s arms, leaning into his body and just feeling the closeness. Sometimes they found themselves making out in the middle of the movie, something that was usually initiated by Luke. Noah never complained about it, in fact, he was quite an eager participant, but Luke could tell that he didn’t really like losing any part of whatever movie they were watching, so Luke usually tried to control himself until after the movie was over. But man, was it difficult sometimes, with Noah so close.

Today though, Noah wasn’t the only reason it had been rather difficult for Luke to focus on the movie. It was hard to stop thinking about the previous day. About the conversation he had with his parents, and how they reacted to it.

Luke looked up at Noah. “I told them,” he repeated. “I told them that I’m gay.”

“Wow,” Noah said, sounding surprised but also quite impressed. “How did they react?”

Luke sighed, rubbing his cheek against Noah’s arm. “Well, my dad was amazing. It didn’t seem like a big deal to him at all. He wasn’t even all that surprised. And he told me he was proud of me for telling him and mom the truth.”

Noah pulled him a little closer. “That’s great. I’m glad your dad was so cool with it.”

“Yeah, that was a huge relief,” Luke admitted. “My mom didn’t handle it all that well, though.”

“She didn’t?”

Luke shook his head sadly. “No. I mean, I guess it could have been worse, but… I don’t know, she seemed pretty upset about it. She told me that she loves me and supports me but that she needs time. She left the room right after I told her, and I haven’t spoken to her since.”

Noah was quiet for a moment, his hand moving up and down Luke’s arm. “Well, I suppose it’s a pretty normal reaction,” he said after a while. “You probably caught her off guard, Luke, and most likely she just needs some time to get used to the idea.”

“Yeah, my dad said pretty much the same thing,” Luke said. “But I guess I don’t understand why it has to be such a big thing. I’m still me, I haven’t changed. I’ll still get married someday, hopefully, and I’ll still have a family. The only difference is that the person I’ll be doing those things with, will be a guy and not a girl.”

“Yeah, but Luke… It _is_ a pretty big thing. Why else do you think it took both of us such a long time to accept that part of ourselves? It’s a big part of who we are, and maybe in an ideal world, being gay would be as natural as being straight, but… society is just not quite there yet. And as long as there are people like my dad… well, there’s still a long way to go.”

Luke sighed, snuggling a little closer to Noah. “I’m sorry, Noah. I shouldn’t be complaining. At least my parents didn’t try to send me to a de-gaying camp.”

Noah kissed his head. “It’s okay, Luke, I understand that you’re frustrated. But I really think it will be okay. Your mom will come around.”

“I hope you’re right.” He lifted his head a little so he could kiss Noah. “Thank you for listening to me. You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”

Luke loved the little blush that appeared on Noah’s face each time he received some kind of compliment. Because it was really cute. But it also made him kind of sad. Noah obviously wasn’t used to getting much praise.

“I like listening to you,” Noah said quietly, cheeks pink. “And I… I kind of like that you’re listening to me.”

Luke heard the implications behind that sentence. Noah wasn’t used to have people listening to him, being interested in what he had to say. He probably wasn’t used to having a whole lot of people to talk to at all, at least not judging by what he had told Luke about his life. Luke’s heart broke a little for Noah. How lonely he must have been.

 _Never again_ , Luke swore to himself as he hugged Noah close to him. He didn’t quite know how, and he had no idea what the future held for them, but somehow he was going to be there for Noah from now on. Always.

 

 

***

 

 

Luke was pretty sure he was glowing with pride as he watched Noah swing himself expertly onto Frodo’s back. Over the last couple of days he had attempted to give Noah some riding lessons, only to discover that Noah was actually a really fast learner. So fast, in fact, that Luke decided that Noah was ready for a real riding trip, out in the woods. Noah had expressed a bit of nervousness when Luke told him that, but Luke had convinced him that he would be fine. Frodo was the calmest and most reliable horse Luke had ever known and he had taken a liking to Noah almost immediately. He would take care of Noah, and besides, they wouldn’t be going far. Luke had plans to show Noah his absolute favorite place in the world, a small grassy field with the most amazing view up in the hills. It was only a short hour’s riding distance away from the cabin, and Luke was sure that Noah would be able to handle that just fine.

“Was that okay?” Noah asked once he was properly seated on the horse. He looked quite proud of himself.

“That was perfect,” Luke smiled. “So, are you ready for a little adventure?”

Noah nodded, and while Luke could tell that he was nervous, he could also see some real excitement in Noah. His face was lightening up more than Luke had ever seen before. It was certainly a far cry from the terrified boy Luke had first met in the barn. While the fear was still present, the Noah that Luke saw today was a whole different person. More relaxed. Happier. Almost radiant. And he was definitely smiling a whole lot more than the boy in the barn. And right now, seeing how excited Noah was to be going on his first ever riding trip, Luke knew he had done the right thing when he had convinced Noah that he should learn how to ride.

Getting Noah up on a horse in the first place hadn’t been the easiest thing in the world. Even though Noah got more and more used to the horses with each time Luke came out to the cabin, it was an entirely different thing to get him to actually sit on one. Noah had been terrified (even though he later tried to convince Luke that he really hadn’t been _that_ scared) and it had taken some convincing to get Noah to agree to at least try it. But once he got up there and got used to the height, he soon got over his fear, and Luke was sure that in time, Noah would love riding as much as Luke did.

They took off, Luke leading the way on Pippin. He set a steady pace, one that Noah would be able to handle quite easily.

It was a gorgeous day for a ride. Quite warm, which is why it was so great to be on horseback and get some wind in their hair. Luke absolutely loved sharing this with Noah. Riding was something he had loved since he was a kid, and it was still one of his favorite things in the world. And seeing Noah now, taking part in something that was so important to Luke and seemingly liking it – it meant a lot to Luke.

They reached their destination after about an hour. As always, coming up here and taking in the view almost took Luke’s breath away. Up here, you could see almost all of Oakdale, and on clear days like today, you could see miles beyond that. It was beautiful, and when Luke looked at Noah, he could tell that Noah agreed.

“Wow,” Noah murmured as they jumped off the horses and walked over to take a better look at the view. “This is absolutely amazing, Luke.” He wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist and pulled him close.

“Yeah, this is my favorite place in the whole world,” Luke said, the sight before him filling him with awe, even if he had seen it many times before.

“I can see why,” Noah said. He looked down at Luke. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“It’s actually the first time I’ve ever brought someone up here,” Luke admitted. “I mean, it’s not like it’s really a secret place or anything, but I just… haven’t. I guess it’s because this is a very special place to me. And… it was always going to take someone extra special for me to share it with someone.”

Noah didn’t say anything to that. Instead he looked at Luke with eyes that looked a little glassy, and then he leaned in and kissed Luke, a kiss that was soft and full of affection.

They went back to the horses and found the things they had brought with them, which was everything they needed for a proper picnic. A blanket was laid down on the ground and soon they were settled with food and a few bottles of soda between them.

While they ate, they watched the view and talked about everything and nothing. That was one of the great things about Noah, Luke thought. That he was so easy to talk to. And when they didn’t feel like talking, that was okay too. The silence was never awkward or uncomfortable.

After they had finished eating they lay down on the blanket, snuggled together, and just relaxed in the sun for a while. It was pretty perfect, actually. But then again, everything he did with Noah seemed perfect. Of course Luke knew that their situation was far from ideal, with Noah on the run and Luke hiding him, but it was also like they had their own little world. With just the two of them in it. And it was kind of… great.

And being up here, far away from everyone, only increased that feeling. Luke knew that from now on, this would no longer be his special place. It would be _their_ place.

Luke lifted his head from Noah’s chest, and moved up so he could kiss Noah. _I can actually do this now_ , he thought, still marveling at that fact. _Because Noah’s my boyfriend now._ That thought still filled him with awe sometimes. And right now it made him kiss Noah a little bit deeper and a little bit more insistently, because he could, and because kissing Noah only got better and better with each kiss they shared. In the beginning it had all sometimes been a little clumsy, as they were both new at it (Noah had admitted to Luke after their first kiss that he had never kissed anyone before either), but they had been practicing _a lot_ since then and Luke thought they were starting to get pretty damn good at it.

Soon the closeness and the general perfection of the situation led them into a full on make-out session, the details getting gradually more and more fuzzy after that. Luke suddenly found himself almost on top of Noah, kissing eagerly, Noah responding with equal enthusiasm under him.

They continued on like that for a while, and it was _great_. At some point they switched positions, Noah now the one on top of Luke. And that was pretty amazing too, because now Luke had all of Noah’s weight on top of him and he _really_ liked that feeling. It was like he was being trapped by Noah, and Luke had no intention of ever trying to escape.

But suddenly something changed. And a moment later, when Noah completely stilled over him, Luke knew that he felt it too.

Luke swallowed. This was new. He had certainly gotten hard once or twice before when he and Noah had been making out, but this was the first time he noticed that Noah had the same reaction. The first time he _felt_ Noah’s reaction.

Noah was staring at him and Luke could only stare back. Those blue eyes were like magnets, pulling him in. And suddenly Luke wanted Noah with an intensity that overwhelmed him. He wanted all of Noah. And he wanted it _now_.

He pulled Noah down to kiss him again, and Noah followed willingly, his lips finding Luke’s with a soft little moan that Luke felt in his whole body. Soon they were kissing even more frantically than before and Luke thought he might die a moment later when Noah started rubbing their crotches together, Luke following his example, unable to do anything but. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, that delicious friction, Noah’s kissing him _so_ good… But Luke still wanted more. He wanted everything.

He forced himself to pull away from those amazing kisses, Noah looking lost and bewildered for a second as he looked down at Luke.

“Noah,” Luke whispered. “I… I want you.”

Noah blinked, and it seemed to take a few seconds before he was truly able to understand what Luke was saying. When he did, he stared open-mouthed at Luke, his breath hitching.

“Are you sure?” he stuttered out, voice unsteady.

Luke nodded intently. He knew they should probably have had a talk about this, but right now he didn’t care. He had never been surer of anything in his life. It just felt right. “I’m sure. I want this.” He brushed his hand across Noah’s cheek. “But only if you want it too.”

Noah visibly swallowed. He nodded. “I… I want to,” he whispered.

A shiver ran through Luke. This was happening. They were actually going to do this.

He smiled a little past the sudden nervousness that hit him, and pulled Noah down to him again. They kissed some more, starting out a little slower this time, but before long the kisses grew more and more urgent. Luke ran his hands over Noah’s back under his t-shirt, loving the feel of warm skin under his fingers. He attempted to pull the t-shirt over Noah’s head, and after a bit of fumbling he was able to get rid of it, throwing it on the grass next to them.

They were kissing the whole time, only pulling back occasionally to get some air. The rest of their clothing was quickly shed, and then all of a sudden they were naked together for the very first time.

The kissing came to a halt then, Luke staring transfixed down Noah’s body. Because… _wow_. Noah was _gorgeous_. And he shouldn’t be surprised by that because Luke knew he would be, but somehow Noah was even more beautiful than he expected. Luke didn’t know how that was even possible. There was one particular part of Noah’s body that caught his attention the most, though. He slowly, and a little tentatively, reached his hand down, closing his fingers around Noah’s cock. He heard Noah’s breath hitch when Luke touched him, and Luke looked up at Noah, meeting his gaze. Noah stared back at him, and Luke saw nothing but trust in his eyes (well, trust _and_ heat, he concluded). He took that as a good sign, and moved his hand experimentally back and forth a few times. Noah groaned, leaning his forehead against Luke’s as he closed his eyes. He was suddenly breathing a lot faster.

Luke smiled a little. He was obviously doing _something_ right. “Do you like that?” he whispered, as he continued to move his hand.

Noah nodded a little frantically. “Y-yes. But… if you keep… doing that I’m going to… come before we… really get started.”

Luke let out a nervous chuckle at that. He pulled his hand away, cupping Noah’s cheeks instead. “Well,” he murmured, “I’m no expert, but I’m fairly certain you _can_ come more than once during one, um… session.”

Noah looked at him. “I’m no expert either,” he said quietly. “I haven’t, um… done this before. I mean… _at all_.”

Luke smiled softly. “I haven’t either,” he whispered. “So I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together.”

Noah looked relieved. He swallowed, smiling a little shakily. “Well… I think we’ve been doing pretty well so far.”

Luke grinned. “I think so too,” he murmured. He moved up to kiss Noah again, but after a few seconds Noah pulled away.

“I don’t… have anything.”

 _Anything of what?_ Luke was about to ask, when all of a sudden it dawned on him. He blushed.

“I… I might have something in the pockets of my shorts,” he admitted.

Noah’s eyes widened a little.

“I wasn’t planning this,” Luke quickly added, because he really wasn’t. He just might have had a tiny hope that something _might_ happen one of these days, and if it did, he didn’t want to come unprepared. “I just… I kept it there just in case. I didn’t actually expect…” He felt his face turn even redder and he looked away. But Noah pulled his head back again, smiling a little.

“I’m glad,” he whispered, kissing Luke softly. “Because I don’t think I would be able to stop now.”

“Me neither,” Luke whispered, and then there wasn’t a whole lot left to say. They kissed some more, Luke letting his hands run across Noah’s body, exploring this new and amazing territory. Noah found the things that Luke kept in the pockets of his shorts and after a bit of fumbling they were able to do the necessary preparations. Luke gasped and closed his eyes when Noah’s fingers touched his most intimate place, but it was _so good_ and he wanted _more_. After a while he opened his eyes again, meeting Noah’s wide, blue ones.

“I’m ready,” he whispered.

“Are you sure?”

Luke nodded. “Yes. I… I want to feel you, Noah. All of you.”

Noah swallowed and nodded. “I want that too,” he whispered as he leaned down and kissed Luke softly.

Noah looked straight into Luke’s eyes as he first started to push into him. And _god_ , it really hurt at first. Luke had expected some pain, but he wasn’t quite prepared for something like this, something so overwhelming and intense. His eyes started tearing up and Noah looked concerned down at him. He stopped moving, and instead he leaned down and kissed the tears from Luke’s eyes, then his cheek and his mouth.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

“You aren’t,” Luke whispered back, shaking his head. “I’m okay, just… just give me a moment.”

Noah didn’t look too convinced, but he stayed where he was and continued to leave soft little kisses all over Luke’s face. And gradually the pain subsided. Soon all Luke could feel was _Noah_. Noah all around him, Noah _inside_ him. And it was like nothing he had ever felt before, in the best way possible. He smiled up at Noah and bucked his hips a little, encouraging Noah to continue. And Noah did, he slowly pushed forward until he was all the way in, and… _wow_. That was intense. Luke felt so _full_ , full of Noah. Luke had thought about this moment so many times, fantasized about it more often than he dared to admit, but he had never been prepared for it to feel so overwhelming, so… _amazing_. He stared up into Noah’s eyes, which were big and blue and filled with so much feeling, and it was like coming home. It was like he had finally found the place he had been looking for his whole life, and it was here, with Noah.

Noah started moving then, and that pretty much made Luke stop thinking all together. The pleasure was almost unbearable, and he knew right away that he wasn’t going to last very long. And judging by the sounds that Noah made, Luke was pretty sure he wouldn’t either. But he didn’t care. Luke moved with Noah, allowing himself to get swept up in the intensity of it all and it was like he was flying higher and higher and higher… until everything exploded. Someone cried out, he wasn’t sure if it was him or Noah (or both), and then the whole world seemed to disappear.

When he slowly started to come back to reality, he was aware of the fact that Noah was still on top of him. Still inside him. Luke sighed in contentment, and wrapped his arms around Noah’s shoulders, preventing him from going anywhere. Noah kissed his neck, and ran his hands through Luke’s sweaty hair.

“Wow… that was…” he began.

“Yeah, it was,” Luke sighed happily, because there really weren’t any words that could describe what they had just done. It was an out-of-body experience.

Noah started to pull out, but Luke tightened his arms around him to keep him from moving. “No,” he said. “Stay. For just a little while longer. I… I like feeling you inside.” He could feel himself blushing a little, which was really stupid, considering what they had just been doing.

But Noah was blushing too, and it was really cute. “I… I like being there,” he said, cheeks pink, and Luke smiled and pulled him in for a kiss.

They stayed like that for a while, but eventually Luke was forced to let Noah move away. He winced a little when Noah pulled out of him, knowing he would probably be sore down there for a while. He hated the immediate emptiness he felt when Noah was gone, but the soreness was good, he decided, because that way he would be able to feel Noah there for the rest of the day and maybe the next day, too. He briskly pushed away any thought of how uncomfortable it would be to ride back to the farm later. It was worth it, anyway.

Noah wrapped his arms around him, and Luke snuggled up to him on the blanket. He was still in a state of utter bliss, having never felt so happy and content and _perfect_ before in his life. And then he remembered the feeling of belonging he had felt when Noah was inside him, and he knew that there was something he needed to say to Noah. Something that had been true for a while now, but that he had been too scared to say before. But now he was no longer scared. He felt like he could do anything, and it was all because of Noah.

He looked up at Noah, who looked back at him with eyes that were so open and trusting and happy that it almost took Luke’s breath away. “Noah,” he said, and he was about to break into a long explanation about how he should have said this before, but the timing hadn’t felt right and he had been too scared… but somehow it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, except for… “I love you.”

Noah’s eyes widened, and for a moment Luke was afraid that his words would make Noah freak out. But then Noah smiled a little and slowly brushed a hand down the side of Luke’s face, his voice breaking a little when he whispered the words.

“Same here.”

 

 

***

 

 

_Same here._

The words still echoed in Luke’s head when he sat alone on the bed in his room at the farm that night, a constant flow of happiness rushing through him. He didn’t even care that Noah hadn’t said ‘I love you’ back. It didn’t matter, because the words that Noah _had_ said to him, and the things they did together today, told Luke everything he needed to know. That the guy that he was crazily in love with, to the point where Luke was already dreaming about a happily ever after, loved Luke back.

Deep inside, Luke knew that this time with Noah was really just the calm before a storm that would eventually come. Things were bound to blow up at some point, considering the problems Noah had with his father, and the fact that Luke still hadn’t told his parents about Noah. But right now he just felt giddy and happy and perfect, intoxicated and high in a way that he had never even been close to feeling when he drank. He leaned back against the wall, drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees. And he realized, maybe for the first time, that he truly didn’t need to drink anymore. Whatever it was that the alcohol used to give him, it was nothing compared to how he felt when he was with Noah. The emptiness he used to feel inside, that one that drove him to drink in the first place, was no longer there. Everything was just _better_ now. He was really, truly happy.

He climbed out of the bed, an idea suddenly hitting him. He opened the closet and found the two bottles he had hidden in the very back, _in case of an emergency_ having been his reasoning back when he placed them there all those weeks ago. Resolutely he grabbed them and went into the bathroom. After he had opened them he turned the bottles upside down and watched fascinated as the liquid disappeared down the drain.

When he was done, and both bottles were empty, he felt a sense of peace and pride. He was done with that part of his life.

He was ready to move forward.


	4. Part 4

Luke knew that all good things must eventually come to an end. And it wasn’t all that unexpected that their happy little bubble had to burst at some point. Considering their rather extraordinary situation, it was really only a matter of time before they had their first fight.

Luke wasn’t prepared for it to happen quite so soon, though…

 

 

***

 

 

“Fine, then! Let’s do it your way, if you think that’s so much better!”

The angry words left Luke’s mouth accompanied by an equally angry glare in Noah’s direction, and he turned on his heels and stomped out of the cabin, slamming the door shut behind him. He was fuming as he walked over to Merry and climbed on top of him, pulling on the reins to direct the horse back towards the farm.

While Luke had been prepared for a negative reaction from Noah when he brought up a subject that he knew Noah preferred not to talk about, he never thought it would end this badly. He never thought it would lead to them having their first big fight, especially now, when they were so happy. But that was what had happened. And now Luke was riding back to the farm in anger, Noah probably equally angry back in the cabin.

It was a week since their first time together up in the hills and things had been perfect. Luke was so in love he thought he might burst sometimes and Noah seemed to be feeling pretty much the same way, at least judging by the way he was almost constantly touching Luke when they were together or the way he looked at Luke, making Luke feel like he was the most precious and special thing in the world. It was wonderful to see Noah so happy, especially after everything he had been through, and Luke felt like the two of them had been living on this little pink cloud the whole week.

But when Luke was alone, in the barn doing chores or in bed at night, he had been thinking. He had been thinking a lot. About his and Noah’s future, and what it would be like. And he knew they couldn’t go on like they were doing now. He couldn’t hide Noah out there in the cabin forever. He had already been doing it for far too long. Something needed to happen, and Luke knew that the first step was telling his parents about Noah. They would know what to do and they could probably help with Noah’s father, if it came to that. But before that could happen, he needed to discuss it all with Noah himself.

As expected, Noah was not thrilled with Luke’s suggestion. At all. He didn’t even want to listen to Luke’s reasoning, saying that no, he was not going to put more people in danger and he was not going to make it easier for his father to find him. Luke got frustrated, as this wasn’t the first time Noah refused to even discuss the issue, and things got more and more heated (and not in a good way). Soon they were both yelling, Noah saying some things Luke really hoped he didn’t mean, Luke saying some things he _knew_ he didn’t mean and before they knew it, Luke was storming out of the cabin in pure anger and frustration.

But as Luke arrived back at the farm, some of that anger was already starting to dissolve, making room for regret instead. He shouldn’t have pushed Noah so hard, and he definitely shouldn’t have stormed out of the cabin like that, like a spoiled brat who didn’t get his way. Luke knew he had been right to bring up the subject because it was something they _had_ to deal with at some point, but he realized now that he could probably have found a better way to do it. Not throw it at Noah the way he had, making Noah feel like he was being attacked and immediately going into full defense mode.

Luke sighed as he pulled the saddle off of Merry’s back. He wasn’t sure what to do now. Most of all he wanted to go straight back to the cabin, pull Noah into his arms and tell him that he loved him and could they please, _please_ never fight again? But he knew that might not be the best idea. It wouldn’t really solve anything, and Luke was still somewhat upset about the whole thing, which might lead to him saying more things he didn’t mean. And he didn’t even know if Noah wanted to see him right now. Noah had been _really_ upset, even saying that he wished he had never come to the farm in the first place (and that kind of hurt), and when Luke thought about that, he wasn’t sure he even really wanted to see Noah right now either. Another wave of frustration hit him. Damn it, why did Noah have to be so stubborn? 

Luke wasn’t able to think about much else for the rest of the day. He decided to go back to the cabin in the evening – that would give both of them some time to cool off, and then, hopefully, they would be able to sort things out. As far as Luke was concerned, fighting with Noah really _sucked_ , and he didn’t want to leave things like this for too long.

But then his dad asked him to come to the house for dinner that evening. Holden didn’t say it, but Luke knew it was an attempt to get rid of some of the tension between Luke and Lily. And Luke could hardly say no to that. So he went to the house, had dinner with his parents and his sisters and listened as his mom told him that she fully accepted him just the way he was and that she was sorry for the way she had initially reacted when he came out. But while Luke appreciated the apology, he couldn’t help but feel that her words were a speech she had rehearsed beforehand. Like she was saying the right words without necessarily meaning them. When Luke mentioned it to Holden later, Holden sighed and said that Lily was really trying and that Luke just needed to give her more time.

It was late when Luke came back to the farm that night, much later than he expected and definitely too late to go and see Noah. Disappointed, he had to accept that he had no choice but to wait until the next day before he could have that much-needed talk with Noah. Not for the first time, he wished that he had gotten Noah a phone. Luke knew he would have felt better if he could have at least sent a goodnight text to Noah before he went to bed.

But he was determined to see Noah as soon as possible the next day. As soon as he was done with his morning chores, he was going out to the cabin.

 

 

***

 

 

The next morning Luke finished in the barn as quickly as he possibly could, and before long he was riding out to the cabin. He had to admit that he was feeling pretty nervous. He didn’t know if Noah was still angry with him or not, or if Noah even wanted to see him. Luke didn’t know what he would do if Noah didn’t even want to talk to him. The last twenty-four hours had been horrible and he just wanted fix things between them and go back to being ridiculously happy.

The first thing Luke noticed when he was nearing the cabin, was that Noah was waiting outside. _That has to be a good sign_ , Luke thought to himself, the sight making him a little more optimistic, because why would Noah be waiting for him outside if he didn’t want to see him? And a moment later, when Luke rode up in front of the cabin and Noah came over and took Frodo’s reins, Luke couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. Noah seemed okay. He threw a somewhat uncertain look up at Luke as he murmured soft, little words to Frodo, his favorite horse, but he no longer seemed angry or upset. _Good_ , Luke thought. Maybe they had a chance of fixing this. They _had_ to fix this.

Luke jumped off of Frodo’s back and stepped over to Noah. “I’m sorry,” he said, just as Noah opened his mouth and uttered the exact same words. They looked at each other for a second, then Noah flushed and ducked his head, and Luke couldn’t help smiling a little, the tension in his body starting to dissolve. “You go first,” he offered.

Noah looked at him again, carefully, like he was trying to gauge Luke’s mood. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I completely overreacted yesterday. I know you were just trying to do what you think is best and… God, Luke, I didn’t mean that I wish I’d never come here!” He looked intently at Luke now. “Meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and… I’m just so… _so_ sorry.”

Luke took another step forward, taking Noah’s hands in his. “Noah… I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. I wanted to talk to you about… everything, but I did it all wrong. I know it must have sounded like I gave you an ultimatum, a sort of do-what-I-say-or-forget-about-us kind of deal, but I didn’t mean it like that. I want to be with you, more than anything, and I know that we can figure this out together. We have to, because I love you and I’m not giving up on us. No matter what.”

They looked at each other for a moment. Noah’s face seemed to relax some, and he grabbed Luke, pulled him in close and hugged him tightly. Luke wrapped his arms around Noah’s back and hugged him in return. He let out a sigh of relief that he didn’t even try to hide. Seeing how upset Noah had been the day before, Luke had been scared that he had somehow messed things up for good, but now everything was okay again. Well, almost. They still hadn’t agreed on what to do about their situation, but Luke didn’t want to think about that right now. He just wanted to hold Noah.

He lifted his head from Noah’s shoulder and leaned in to kiss Noah. Noah sighed against his lips as he responded and Luke was perfectly happy just getting lost in the moment for a while.

But then someone cleared their throat behind them.

And Luke felt like his heart was about to stop.

He and Noah jumped apart, and Luke whirled around, only to stand face to face with his father.

_Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit._

This was exactly what _wasn’t_ supposed to happen.

It was one of those moments where time somehow seemed to stand still. Luke found he couldn’t move. He just stared at Holden, who was staring back at him and Noah with what could only be described as shock written on his face. Luke opened his mouth to say something, but nothing would come out.

There was a long silence. Holden looked at Luke like he was waiting for an explanation. Luke finally managed to pull himself together enough to speak.

“D-dad,” he stuttered out. “What… what are you doing here?”

“I was going to look for something in the cabin,” Holden said, looking quite uncomfortable with the whole situation, and Luke mentally kicked himself for not being more careful. Maybe if he hadn’t been so eager to patch things up with Noah, he would have been more observant and noticed that he wasn’t the only one going out to the cabin today. But this wasn’t the time to think about that. He focused back on Holden, who was still talking. “I think the more important question right now is what you are doing here,” he said, his eyes on Luke.

Luke swallowed. He chanced a look over at Noah and noticed with a sinking feeling in his gut that the fear was back on Noah’s face. He reminded Luke a little too much of the Noah he first met in the barn. He reached over and grabbed Noah’s hand, squeezing it. He looked back at Holden, and saw that his dad’s gaze was now fixed on his and Noah’s joined hands.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Luke?” he asked, his voice quiet, leaving Luke with no choice but to speak the truth.

Luke sighed. There was no way around it. “Dad, this is… Noah. Noah, this is my dad, Holden,” he said, offering only the most basic of introductions. Frankly he was scared that Noah would run off if Luke said even a word more than he should.

Holden looked at Luke like he was expecting more of an explanation. When he didn’t get one, he sighed and seemed to decide on a different approach.

“I think you boys better come back to the farm with me,” he said. “We need to have a real talk.”

 

 

***

 

 

“So, let me get this straight,” Holden said slowly, obviously trying to put the pieces together in his head. Lily was sitting next to him on the couch in the living room at the farm, hardly having said a word since she got there. “Noah is your… your what? Your boyfriend?” Luke nodded slowly. “And he’s been living out in the cabin for more than a month?” Luke nodded again. There was no point denying it.

He felt Noah shifting nervously next to him. Luke was still holding Noah’s hand, and while he felt his mother’s eyes on them the whole time, he didn’t care. He needed to make Noah feel that things were okay, that they were going to be alright. Because they would be. Even though this wasn’t exactly the way that Luke had planned for it to happen, it was a good thing that his parents finally knew about Noah. Finally there were no more secrets. And it wasn’t like Noah had anything to fear from his parents. They would help him, Luke knew they would.

“And why has Noah been staying in the cabin?” Holden asked. He didn’t sound angry. Mostly he seemed confused and concerned.

Luke hesitated for a moment. How much could he say? He was just about to look over at Noah to silently ask for his advice, when he heard Noah speak.

“Mr. and Mrs. Snyder,” he began, “don’t be angry with Luke. He was just helping me. I had nowhere to go and he gave me a place to say. He wanted to tell you about it, but I convinced him not to. So if anyone is to blame here, it’s me.”

Holden and Lily looked at Noah as if they were surprised to hear that he could actually speak. “We’re not blaming anyone,” Holden said. “We’re just trying to understand.” He looked at Noah. “You seem to be around Luke’s age,” he stated. “Don’t you have a home somewhere?”

“I used to,” Noah said. “But I… I couldn’t stay there any longer.”

Luke shot his father a look, silently begging him not to ask Noah any more questions. This was a subject Noah had a hard time talking to anyone about, especially people he didn’t know. Luckily Holden seemed to understand Luke’s silent plea, and he changed the subject.

“Well,” he said, looking at Luke. “Your mother and I have to get back to the house. We’ll talk more about this tomorrow. I’ve spoken to your grandmother, and she’s preparing a room for Noah to stay in tonight.” He rose from the couch and helped Lily to her feet. “How about you two come over for lunch tomorrow and we can talk then?”

Luke looked over at Noah, who gave an almost unnoticeable nod. “Okay,” he said, looking back at his parents. “We’ll be there.”

He left Noah in the living room while he followed his parents to the door. He hugged his father and then his mother, and when he felt Lily hugging him tightly and then giving him what looked like a genuine smile as she left the house, he felt, for the first time in a long time, that maybe things between him and his mother were starting to get better. Holden had asked Luke to give her time, and he had, and maybe she actually was starting to come around. She hadn’t said a word during their conversation just now, and Luke wasn’t sure what to make of that, but at least she hadn’t seemed hostile towards Noah. She just seemed confused and surprised, much like Holden had.

After his parents had left Luke returned to the living room, and sank down in the sofa next to Noah. He curled up to Noah, wrapped his arms around his neck and leaned his head on Noah’s shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Noah admitted. “I’m worried, I guess. But your parents seem nice.”

“Yeah,” Luke said. “And they’re on our side, Noah. They’ll help us.”

Noah just nodded against Luke’s hair and didn’t say anything.

They stayed on the couch for a while, talking quietly. Luke tried his best to convince Noah that he didn’t have to be scared. But honestly he was a little worried himself. He wondered what his parents would have to say at lunch the next day.

 

 

***

 

 

Emma had been more than a little surprised to learn that not only was Luke gay, but he also had a boyfriend who he had been hiding out in the old cabin for over a month. But Luke had to hand it to her, she took it pretty well, considering. A lot better than his mother had initially taken the news about him being gay. Emma did refuse to let him and Noah sleep in the same room, but that was pretty much what Luke had expected, so he wasn’t too disappointed. It wasn’t like he and Noah were used to sleep together at night anyway, though Luke could hardly wait for the day when that could finally happen. Waking up next to Noah every morning would be the most amazing thing in the world.

Luke and Noah had dinner together with Emma later that day, and Luke was thrilled to see that Emma took an instant liking to Noah. It wasn’t too surprising really, with Noah’s kindness and good manners he could charm anyone, especially since he seemed to relax a lot more around Emma than he had with Luke’s parents. Luke didn’t even get annoyed when Noah and Emma started discussing some ancient movie he had never even heard of. It was just too good to see Noah smile and relax.

They were just finishing up dinner when Luke’s phone rang. Luke excused himself and went to the living room to take it.

It was his dad. “Luke, I can’t talk for long, but I’m at the hospital. Your mother’s water broke when we were driving back to the house earlier.”

“Oh my god,” Luke gasped. “Is she okay? Has the baby been born?”

“Not yet,” Holden said, “but according to the doctor it won’t be long before it happens. Your mother is doing okay, considering, but we’re both hoping that it will be over soon.”

“I’m coming to the hospital,” Luke said resolutely. “I’ll leave right away. Do you need me to bring you something?”

“Well, there could still be a few more hours before anything happens so you don’t have to rush down here. But I was hoping that you could get your mother’s hospital bag from the house. We didn’t have time to drop by and get it.”

“Of course,” Luke said immediately. “Is there anyone I should call?”

“No, I’ll call Lucinda to ask her to stay with your sisters tonight. Other than her, I think we’ll wait and tell the rest of the family after the baby is born.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea, or the hospital might be crowded within the hour,” Luke pointed out with a small chuckle.

He could tell that Holden was smiling a little on the other end. “I suppose you’re right. But son, I have to get back to your mother now. Everything is going well here, so don’t worry, okay?”

“Okay,” Luke said. “See you soon then. And give mom a big hug from me.”

They hung up, and Luke returned to the kitchen to find Noah and Emma still sitting by the table, now looking up at him with expectant faces.

“Everything okay, dear?” Emma asked.

“My parents are at the hospital,” Luke informed them. “The baby is coming. I’m going down there right away with some stuff for my mom.” He looked at Noah. “Will you come with me?”

Noah looked a little uncomfortable. “I’m not sure that’s a very good idea,” he said.

“Please, Noah,” Luke begged. “I would love to have you there and now that you are no longer hiding, there is nothing to be worried about, right? Please.”

Noah looked at him for a long moment. Luke wondered what he was thinking. But finally he nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll come with you.”

Luke shot him a grateful smile. “Thank you.” He looked at Emma. “What about you, grandma?”

Emma seemed to think it over for a moment before shaking her head. “No, you boys go,” she said. “I’ll go down there and see the baby once it’s born.”

“Okay,” Luke said. He went over and gave her a big hug. “Thank you for dinner, and for… everything.”

“Anytime, dear,” she smiled. “And you or your father better call me as soon as something happens.”

“I promise,” Luke said, and a few seconds later he and Noah were out the door. They hurried to the car, Luke climbing in behind the wheel while Noah took the passenger seat. Soon they were on the road, Luke driving as fast as the speed limit allowed.

He could hardly believe that he was soon going to see his new little sister or brother. And not only that. He looked over at Noah, and slowly reached over and put a hand on his knee, rubbing softly, making Noah smile a little. Noah was there with him. Luke no longer had to keep him a secret.

It felt really, really great.

 

 

***

 

 

Ethan Snyder was born at three o’clock in the morning. Luke and Noah stayed at the hospital all night, Luke not wanting to leave before he was sure that everything was okay with both his mother and the baby. In the early morning hours Luke and Noah were finally allowed to see the newest addition to the Snyder clan, when a smiling Holden led them to Lily’s hospital room.

A sense of awe filled Luke when he held his little brother in his arms for the first time. Ethan was so tiny. Luke couldn’t remember that his sisters had been this small when they were born, but Holden assured him that Ethan’s weight was completely normal. Luke smiled a little when Ethan let out a little yawn, then he looked up at Noah and asked if he wanted to hold the baby.

A hint of fear flashed across Noah’s face. “I’ve never held a baby before,” he admitted, looking at Ethan as if he was something to be scared of.

“You’ll be fine,” Luke assured him with a smile and handed Ethan over to Noah. “Just hold him like this,” he instructed, showing Noah what to do with his arms, “and make sure you always support his head. Yeah, like that.”

Noah smiled a little once he had the baby in his arms. “I can’t believe how small he is,” he murmured. “I’m afraid I’ll break him or something.”

“Don’t worry, you’re doing great,” Luke said, smiling at the sight before him. It had to be one of the cutest things he had ever seen. For a moment he allowed himself to daydream. Maybe one day he and Noah would have a family. Maybe it would be their own baby Noah was holding in his arms. Luke smiled at the thought. Noah would make a great parent one day.

He shook himself out of the dream. If something like that was to ever happen, it would be far into the future. Like, way, way, _way_ into the future.

He really wanted to lean in and kiss Noah, but then he noticed that his mom was watching them from her bed, and even though there was a little smile on her face, he realized that she might not be ready for the full display of affection just yet. So he settled for rubbing Noah’s arm instead, which made Noah look up from the baby in his arms and meet Luke’s smile with one of his own.

Luke and Noah stayed at the hospital for a while longer, but Lily was tired and needed some sleep and Luke realized that he and Noah hadn’t slept for twenty-four hours and should probably get home. They said goodbye to Luke’s parents, but just as they were about to leave the room, Lily asked Luke to stay back for a moment.

“I’ll be right out,” Luke said to Noah, squeezing his hand briefly, and Noah nodded as he left the room together with Holden.

Once the door had closed, Lily petted the bed next to her. “Come and sit with me,” she said, and Luke went over and sat on the edge of the bed. Ethan was now asleep in his crib next to Lily’s bed.

Lily smiled tiredly. “Noah seems nice,” she began.

Luke looked surprised at her. It was pretty much the last thing he expected her to say. “Yeah,” he said slowly, and a little apprehensively. “Noah is amazing.”

Lily took his hand. “Sweetie, I know I haven’t been as supportive of you as I should have been lately,” she said, “and I’m so sorry about that. I know I must have made you feel like I didn’t accept you, and that was… that was wrong of me.”

“Mom,” Luke said. “I know you didn’t mean it like that. I mean, I needed time to accept things about myself and it was unfair of me to expect you to just… be okay with it.”

“But I am okay with it,” Lily insisted. “I’ll admit, it was a shock at first, but…” She looked Luke straight in the eyes. “You are gay, Luke. And that is absolutely and totally okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. I see how different you are now that you are with Noah, how… _happy_ you are. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Luke felt his eyes glisten. This was what he had been waiting to hear ever since… ever since the tractor incident. Ever since long before that, when he first started to realize that he was different from most of his friends and classmates. All he wanted was to be honest with the people he loved and still have them love him back.

Luke leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you, mom,” he said. “I’ve finally started to accept myself, to feel about good about myself, and I don’t want things to be weird between us any longer.”

“They won’t be, sweetie,” Lily promised. “Not anymore.”

“Good,” Luke said as he pulled out of the hug and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Because I’m planning to be over at the house a lot more from now on, to see my new little brother.”

Lily smiled. “You’re welcome anytime. Of course you are. And anytime you want to move home for good…”

“I know,” Luke said. “But I think I’ll stay at the farm for a while longer. I still have my chores and I need to help Noah figure out what to do. His dad…” Luke shook his head. “Noah is really, really scared of him.”

Lily looked at him for a moment. She looked like she wanted to ask more, but then decided that it wasn’t the right time. “I hope you and Noah will tell us the whole story once I’m out of the hospital,” she said instead. “I can see how important Noah is to you, Luke, and if there is anything your dad and I can do to help…”

Luke hugged her again. “Thank you, mom,” he murmured. “That means a lot.” He pulled back. “I’m going to leave now, let you get some rest.” He rose from the bed and looked down at the sleeping baby in the crib. “Goodbye, Ethan,” he whispered, carefully touching a tiny fist with his finger. “See you soon, buddy.”

He left the room with a smile and a small wave at his mother. One by one all the pieces of his life seemed to be falling into place. Now all that was left was figuring out what to do about Noah’s situation, and everything would be perfect.

 

 

***

 

 

Noah was pacing back and forth in front of a line of plastic chairs in the hallway when Luke came out of Lily’s hospital room.

“Everything okay?” he asked when he saw Luke.

Luke smiled and nodded. “It’s great,” he said. “I’ll tell you about it on the ride home. Where’s my dad?”

“He went to talk with the nurses. He said that we should just go home and get some sleep.”

Luke yawned. “Yeah, that sounds like the best idea ever right now. It’s been a really long day.”

A few minutes later they were riding the elevator down to the ground floor of the hospital. Noah looked at Luke.

“Luke…” he started. “With everything that happened today we never really got the opportunity to talk about what happened yesterday. About… the fight. But we’re okay now, right? I mean, I really didn’t mean those things that I said, and-”

Luke grabbed his hand. “Noah,” he said. “It’s okay. We’re okay. I mean, yeah, we should probably talk about it some more, especially the issue that led to us fighting in the first place. Obviously the situation has changed now, with my family knowing about you. But let’s talk about that some other time, okay? Let’s just go home now.” He moved in to hug Noah. “I’m not angry with you. You’re the most important person in the world to me.”

“Really?” Noah whispered against Luke’s shoulder.

“Yeah, really,” Luke murmured softly, running his hand up and down Noah’s back a few times.

The elevator reached the ground floor and they stepped out of it. They were walking through the huge lobby towards the exit, when Noah suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. Luke stopped too, confused, and turned to him.

“Noah?” he asked, and discovered that Noah had turned completely pale. He looked like he was seeing a ghost. He seemed to have forgotten that Luke was even there and just stared at something before him. Luke turned and tried to spot whatever it was that Noah was staring at. “Noah, what is it?” he tried again.

“Dad,” Noah whispered, barely audible.

_What? No, that couldn’t be possible._

Luke once more turned to look in the same direction as Noah was doing. And he finally saw what Noah saw. A man in his fifties, impeccably dressed in a dark gray suit, was coming towards them. He looked more than a little intimidating, his face hard and stern, his eyes cold.

There was no doubt about who this man was.

Colonel Mayer. Noah’s father.

Luke’s first thought was that he could see why Noah was so scared of this man. His second thought was to wonder what the hell the guy was doing here.

Noah seemed to be thinking the same thing. “D-dad,” Noah stammered out once his dad was close enough. “What are you doing here?”

Luke could tell that Noah was trying to keep his voice steady, only he wasn’t quite able to do it. He wanted to reach out and take Noah’s hand, squeeze it in support. But remembering Noah’s stories about this man, he figured that was not a very good idea. In fact, it was probably the last thing he should be doing. So instead he just stood unmoving next to Noah, trying to offer him some kind of silent support.

“Son, it’s so good to see you,” the Colonel said with a smile, though Luke thought it looked far from genuine. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” He held up a bandaged hand. “I had a small accident. Had to get some stitches.”

Noah looked confused. “But… what are you doing _here_? In Oakdale?”

The Colonel looked at him as if that should have been obvious. “Looking for you, of course. And now that I’ve found you, we can finally go home.”

“But-,” Noah started, but the Colonel held up a hand and effectively stopped Noah, making it clear that there was no room for protests.

“You’re coming with me, Noah,” he said. “End of discussion.”

 _The hell he is_ , Luke thought, anger rising in him. But in all honesty he didn’t feel very brave at the moment. The Colonel seemed like the kind of guy that you just didn’t mess with. And Noah had done exactly that, when he had run away from home. Luke could only imagine what would happen if Noah went home with this man.

Luke suddenly became aware that the Colonel was now regarding him with an ice cold look. “Who’s your friend?” he asked Noah, even though his eyes were still on Luke.

Luke swallowed but he looked the Colonel straight in the eyes and refused to back down, no matter how intimidating the look he got was. It was like those eyes were digging into his very soul and saw everything. Noah hadn’t answered the Colonel’s question, so Luke straightened a little, still not breaking eye contact with Noah’s father.

“I’m Luke,” he said and reached out his hand, not because he particularly wanted to shake hands with this man (because he definitely didn’t), but because he wanted to show the Colonel that he wasn’t scared so easily (even if in reality, this guy kind of scared the living crap out of him).

The Colonel kept his eyes on Luke for several seconds, completely ignoring his outstretched hand. After a while he focused back on Noah instead.

“Noah, let’s go,” he said. “It’s time to go home.”

Noah, who was looking at the ground and seemed to have shrunken under his father’s gaze, looked up at those words. And then he finally seemed to snap out of the trance his father had somehow put him under. He straightened his back and looked directly at the Colonel.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not going. This is my home now.”

Colonel Mayer laughed a little, his laughter as cold as his eyes. “I don’t think that’s really up to you, is it, Noah? You are my son, and until you’re old enough you have no say in the matter.”

“I don’t care,” Noah said, and Luke could tell he was trying to keep the trembling in his voice to a minimum. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Noah. His wonderful, brave Noah. But he stood where he was, and a just moment later Noah was the one who touched him. “I’m not going with you,” he told his father and grabbed Luke’s hand. “Come on, Luke, let’s go.”

He marched off, pulling Luke with him, and Luke, who really just wanted to get as far away from the Colonel as quickly as possible, didn’t hesitate, but quickly followed Noah. He heard the Colonel call Noah’s name behind them, but they kept moving, halfway running to the exit and out of the hospital. As they hurried towards the parking lot, Luke didn’t dare look behind them to see if Noah’s father was following them. Instead he just clutched Noah’s hand as they ran towards the car, and drew a big sigh of relief when they could finally climb inside and close the doors behind them. Noah sank back in the passenger seat and after quickly scanning the parking lot to make sure his dad wasn’t following them, he hid his face in his hands.

“Noah…” Luke began, turning a little in his seat so he was facing Noah, but Noah just shook his head, not taking his hands away.

“No, Luke,” he said. “Let’s just get out of here. Please.”

Luke regarded him for a moment, but then he nodded and put the key in the ignition, starting the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and out on the road, eager to put as many miles as possible between them and Colonel Mayer.

 

 

***

 

 

Noah didn’t say a word on the ride back to the farm. After a while he pulled the hands away from his face, but instead of saying anything he just stared out the window. Luke reached over and put his hand on Noah’s knee, rubbing softly, and after a moment Noah’s hand landed on top of Luke’s, twining their fingers together.

Luke felt a little helpless. Running into Noah’s father at the hospital had turned the whole situation completely upside down. He didn’t know what to say or do now. He had thought that if only his parents knew about him and Noah, they would help them and everything would be okay. But now, after meeting Colonel Mayer in person, he realized that it wasn’t that easy. The Colonel wasn’t someone who would just let Noah stay in Oakdale with Luke, like both he and Noah wanted to. Not without a fight. Luke was pretty sure of that. And Noah probably was, too.

Back at the farm, they ran into Emma, who was on her way out to the barn. A little embarrassed, Luke had to admit that he had completely forgotten about the horses, but Emma assured him that she had it under control. She would feed them and give them water and then Luke could do the rest later, once he’d gotten some rest. Luke gave her a grateful smile. He wouldn’t have been much use in the barn now even if he wanted to. He was so tired. Not only had he been up for more than twenty-four hours, but so much had happened that he didn’t know how to even begin to deal with it all.

Luke showed Noah to the room that Emma had prepared for him. But before they parted Luke turned to him, grabbing his hands.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, figuring it would be pointless to ask Noah if he was okay. Because Noah was most definitely _not_ okay.

Noah shook his head and closed his eyes, and for a moment Luke thought he wasn’t going to say anything. But then he opened his eyes again and looked at Luke. “I should never have gone to the hospital,” he said quietly, shaking his head a little. “This was exactly what I was afraid of. That my dad would find me.”

He looked so sad. Broken, almost. Luke tightened his hold on Noah’s hands, a pang of regret hitting him. He was the one who convinced Noah to go to the hospital with him. But this didn’t necessarily have to be as bad as Noah was making it out to be.

“Noah,” he said intently, urging Noah to listen to him. “He doesn’t know where you are. He doesn’t know you’re here at the farm. You’re safe here.”

Noah just shook his head. “I’m not safe anywhere. He’s always going to find me.”

“No, Noah,” Luke insisted. “Not this time.” He sighed. “Look, let’s get some sleep, okay? There’s no use talking about this when we are both so tired.”

Noah nodded, and then he just looked at Luke for a long time before leaning in and kissing Luke softly. “Thank you, Luke,” he whispered against Luke’s lips.

“For what?” Luke murmured, the kiss making him a little dizzy. Whether it was due to the lack of sleep or the fact that the kiss was a rather intense one, he didn’t know.

“For everything,” Noah said simply, but his voice was full of emotion and Luke just had to pull him into a hug.

He held Noah for a while before pulling back again. “Sleep tight, Noah,” he said, and Noah squeezed his hands briefly before stepping away and into his room, closing the door behind him. Luke watched him disappear and stood unmoving for a moment. He wanted nothing more than to go after Noah, lie down together with him in bed and hold him. Make sure that he was okay. Tell him that he loved him and that everything would be alright. But grandma Emma’s rules were clear. No sleeping in each others’ rooms. Of course, she didn’t know that he and Noah had already gone all the way together. More than once, too. Luke had to smile just a little at that.

He yawned. He really should get to bed. Hopefully this whole situation would look a whole lot brighter once he and Noah had gotten some sleep.

 

 

***

 

 

When Luke woke up again, the alarm clock on his nightstand told him that it was past three in the afternoon. He yawned and stretched, the events from the previous day and night (and morning) slowly coming back to him. Patching things up with Noah after their fight. Holden surprising them. Ethan being born. Finally resolving things with his mother. And then, Colonel Mayer. It was a lot to take in.

His main concern was Noah though. He had not been in good shape after their run-in with the Colonel. He had seemed so defeated, like he was ready to give up or something. But give up on what, exactly?

Luke got out of bed and went to the bathroom to use the toilet before walking over to Noah’s room, not bothering to change out of the t-shirt and sweatpants he had been sleeping in. He carefully knocked on the door. “Noah?” There was no answer. Luke slowly opened the door and peeked inside.

Noah wasn’t there. So, he was already up, then. It wasn’t that surprising. With everything he had to think about, it probably hadn’t been easy for Noah to sleep. Luke closed the door again, and went down to the kitchen, expecting to find Noah there at the table. But instead he only found Emma, who was busy making dinner. She smiled when she saw him.

“Good afternoon, sleepyhead,” she said, smiling affectionately. “Did you sleep well?”

“I slept alright,” he said, looking around the kitchen. “Where’s Noah?”

“Still in bed, I assume,” Emma said, drying her hands on a towel. “You guys had quite the day yesterday.”

“Noah’s not in his room,” Luke said, a little confused. “I just checked.”

Emma looked confused, too. “I haven’t seen him,” she said. “But I was doing laundry earlier so he could have left the house without me noticing.”

“Maybe he’s in the barn,” Luke thought out loud. “He likes the horses.”

He quickly pulled his sneakers on and ran out to the barn. “Noah!” he called when entered. “Noah, are you here?”

But all he could hear was the horses welcoming him with happy neighs, sticking their heads out of their stalls, eager for a treat. “Sorry, guys,” Luke said apologetically as he hurried past them. “I don’t have time for you right now.”

He climbed the ladder to the hayloft, thinking that Noah had to be up there. The hayloft was his first hiding place on the farm, a place that Noah had a certain connection to.

But Noah wasn’t there.

Defeated, Luke climbed back down. He was really starting to get worried. He had seen the look in Noah’s eyes the night before, seen the quiet despair there. God, he should never have let Noah go to bed by himself. He had seen how upset Noah was, he should have stayed with Noah, rules or not, and dealt with the consequences later. Noah had needed him. And Luke had failed to be there for him.

On his way back out he quickly checked all the horses’ stalls, just in case Noah was there, but there was no sign of him. By the time he came back to the farm house, Luke was close to tears.

“He wasn’t there,” he told Emma, who had turned to look expectantly at him when he entered the house. “I couldn’t find him anywhere.”

“I’m sure he’s around here somewhere,” Emma said, giving him a comforting hug. “Go up and get properly dressed and then I’ll help you look for him. We’ll find him, don’t worry.”

Luke nodded slowly. “I’m going to ride out to the cabin,” he decided. “Noah might have gone back there. It’s kind of his home now.”

He ran up the stairs to get dressed, feeling a new sense of hope. Noah had to be at the cabin. He got really scared when they met the Colonel at the hospital and had decided to return to the cabin, a place where he had felt relatively safe for a long time. Now that Luke thought about it, it made complete sense.

On his way to his room, he peeked inside Noah’s room one more time, just to make absolutely sure that Noah wasn’t there. But he wasn’t, of course. The room was just as empty as it had been before. With a pang of sadness Luke noticed that the bed hadn’t even been slept in. _Oh, Noah._

And then he noticed the folded sheet of paper on the nightstand. The one with his name on it.

His hand was shaking a little when he reached out and took it, slowly unfolding it. With a growing sense of fear, he began to read.

_Luke,_

_I don’t want to do this, but I feel like I don’t have a choice. Meeting my father at the hospital reminded me of something I have known ever since I ran away from him: That he is always going to find me. That I’m not safe anywhere. I knew when I ran away from him that I always had to keep moving._

_But then I met you. And I couldn’t leave. I became careless. I started to think that maybe things would be okay after all. That maybe you and I could actually be together. But deep inside I always knew it was too good to be true. That it couldn’t last._

_Luke, I want to be with you more than anything. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and you’ve made me so happy, happier than I’ve ever been. But I can’t stay here. It’s not safe. Not for me, and more importantly, not for you. Or your family, who have been great, even though they’ve known me for less than twenty-four hours. You don’t know my dad, Luke, but I do, and I know what he’s capable of doing to people who get in his way._

_So I guess this is goodbye. I wish there was another way, but there isn’t. I hope we meet again someday, maybe when I’m older and my father doesn’t have a say in my life anymore. Until then, I have to stay away from you, no matter how much it hurts._

_Goodbye, Luke. I’ll never, ever forget you._

_Love, Noah._

Luke sank down on the bed, his legs unable to keep him standing any longer. He felt numb and it was suddenly hard to breathe. It literally felt like his life, that he had spent so much time trying to rebuild, had just been crushed into a million pieces.

Noah was gone. He wasn’t at the cabin, or any other place on the farm for that matter. And Luke suddenly realized that when Noah had given Luke that long, intense kiss that morning, before going to his room to sleep, it hadn’t been a goodnight kiss at all. It had been a goodbye kiss. Noah had already decided that he was going to leave.

This couldn’t be happening. Noah couldn’t be gone. He just couldn’t be. Luke needed him. And god, Noah needed him, too. They should be facing the Colonel together; Noah shouldn’t have to go through everything on his own. They were supposed to be a team.

But Noah really was gone, wasn’t he? And judging by the sound of the letter, he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. Maybe not ever.

 _I might never see him again._ The realization hit him like a punch in the gut.

Luke dropped the letter to the floor, covered his face with his hands, and sobbed.


	5. Part 5

Luke was emotionally exhausted. He didn’t know how long he had been lying there on Noah’s bed, crying, clutching the pillow, desperate for it to smell like Noah, even though he knew it wouldn’t because Noah had never actually slept in this bed. He was pretty sure it was evening by now and his stomach was growling with hunger, but he just didn’t feel like eating. He didn’t feel like doing anything. He just felt numb.

His grandma Emma had been there at some point, sitting on the edge of the bed and asking him what was going on. She was brushing his hair back from his forehead like she used to do when he was sick as a kid, and Luke, who was sure he had to be all cried out at that point, felt new tears threatening to spill.

“Noah’s gone,” was all he managed to say. Emma asked him more questions but Luke just shook his head, unable to explain further, and after a while she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Luke just stayed where he was, unmoving. What else was there to do? Noah was gone. Nothing else mattered. There was no point in anything anymore.

Luke didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. To kiss Noah one last time and tell him how much he loved him. Instead, Noah was just… gone. Just like that. And all that was left was a note and a bed that Noah hadn’t even slept in.

Luke clutched the pillow tighter and dug his face into it as fresh tears spilled. _Now I know why it’s called heartbreak_ , he thought. _Because that’s exactly what it feels like. Like my heart is breaking into a million pieces._

After a while (he didn’t know how much later) he heard a light knock on the door. A moment later the door was opened, and Luke recognized his dad’s familiar footsteps approaching the bed. He didn’t look up from the pillow.

Holden sat down at the edge of the bed and just sat there for a while. He put his hand on Luke’s back, rubbing comfortingly. Then he spoke.

“Luke,” he said quietly.

Luke didn’t respond.

“Luke,” Holden repeated, firmer now. “Look at me.”

Luke didn’t want to. He wanted to burrow his face deeper into the pillow and stay like that forever. But his father was using _that_ tone of voice, the one that made it almost impossible to refuse him. So Luke looked up from the pillow, slowly, well aware that his face was probably blotchy and red. He didn’t really care.

“What’s going on?” Holden asked. “Your grandmother tells me that Noah’s gone?”

Luke just nodded.

“Gone, how?”

Luke thought that was a pretty stupid question. Noah was gone, there wasn’t much more to it. Besides, did it really matter how? Noah was _gone_.

He wasn’t coming back.

“Luke,” Holden said again, demanding an answer.

Luke sighed and brushed away some tears with the back of his hand. “He’s just gone. He left me a note.”

“Okay. And what did the note say?”

“That he couldn’t stay here any longer. That it wasn’t safe.” He turned his head to look out at the empty room. “We ran into his dad at the hospital. And Noah freaked out. I thought I’d convinced him that it would be okay, that he would be safe from him here, but…” He bit his lip to prevent new tears from falling. “He was scared his father would do something to me. Or to us, or…” He shook his head.

Holden looked confused. “Okay, Luke, this isn’t making any sense to me. I think it’s time I get the full story.”

Luke sighed. He knew his dad was right.

So he started talking. He told Holden everything. Well, as much as he could without feeling like he was breaking Noah’s trust. He told Holden how he found Noah in the barn that stormy night, about how lost Noah seemed and how Luke had decided to help him. He talked about how he figured the old cabin would be a good place for Noah to stay, because no one would ever look for him there. He explained how Noah was only supposed to stay for a couple of days, but then they became friends, which then developed into something more, so he stayed. And then he told Holden about Colonel Mayer. How scared Noah had been of him, and the reason why he was so scared.

“So Noah believes that if his father finds him, he’ll get sent to that place, Echo Lake?” Holden asked.

“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Although…”

“What?”

Luke shook his head. “I don’t know, I just… Noah once told me that his father was violent. That he used to hit Noah’s mother.”

Holden looked shocked. “What about Noah? Did the Colonel ever hurt him? Physically, I mean.”

Luke thought for a second, trying to remember what Noah had told him. “Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, Noah said that he didn’t, but I somehow got the sense that maybe he wasn’t telling me the whole truth.”

“So you do think that the Colonel used to hurt Noah.”

“I don’t know!” Luke said a little frustrated. “I just know that Noah was really, really scared of his father. He was scared that the Colonel would do something to him, but he seemed even more scared that he would do something to me.” Luke looked down. “That’s why he left. He wrote it in the note. He thought that he was putting me in danger by staying here. That he was putting all of us in danger.”

Holden gave him a small smile. “It sounds like he really loves you.”

Yeah, Luke supposed it did. He definitely hoped so. Noah had never actually told him that he loved him, even though Luke had given him many opportunities to do so. But what if Noah didn’t have those feelings? What if that’s the reason he left? But… no. No, it wasn’t like that, of course it wasn’t. Luke knew that Noah loved him. Noah showed him that every day. And he ended his note with ‘love, Noah’. He wouldn’t have written something like that without meaning it. He wouldn’t.

Luke looked up again. The tears were back in his eyes. “I really love him, too. So much. I don’t know what to do now. What to do without him. And I hate the idea of him being out there on his own. What if Colonel Mayer finds him? God, he should be here, with me. We should be facing his father together. I thought I had made him understand that he wasn’t alone anymore, but…”

Holden was quiet for a long time. Finally he sighed. “Luke… I don’t know what to tell you. I agree that Noah shouldn’t be on his own. But…” He hesitated for a second. “Luke, Noah left. And that was his choice. I don’t think there’s anything you can do about that.”

Deep down, Luke knew that. He had known it the whole time. Noah left and Luke had no idea where he had gone. But somehow, he’d still had a silly hope that Holden would know what to do. That Holden could fix this somehow. Because that’s what he always did when Luke was a kid. He always made things better. To hear him say that there was nothing they could do to get Noah back… It seemed so final. Like it was really over.

“Dad…,” Luke said. “I can’t just… accept that. I can’t. I can’t just… move on, as if nothing has happened. Not when Noah is out there.” He shook his head.

“I’m not saying that you should. Obviously Noah means a whole lot to you. And if it makes you feel any better, I’ll ask Jack if there’s any chance he and his colleagues can keep an eye out for him. But, Luke, until _Noah_ decides to come back to _you_ … I honestly don’t think there’s much you can do. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I’m afraid that’s the way it is.”

Luke shook his head again. No. No. There had to be _something_ …

But what, exactly? The note didn’t say anything about where Noah was planning to go. Noah still didn’t have a phone, so Luke couldn’t call him. (Damn it, why didn’t he just get Noah a phone?) He could, of course, ask around to see if anyone had seen Noah, seen where he’d gone, but the farm was quite isolated and Luke was sure that Noah was staying off the roads as much as he could, out of fear for his father.

Luke closed his eyes, fighting a constant battle against the tears. There really wasn’t anything he could do, was there?

“Dad,” he whispered brokenly, and that was all he was able to say. Holden enveloped him in his strong arms, holding him tightly, and Luke finally gave up and let the tears fall freely. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter.

Noah was gone.

 

 

***

 

 

Later that evening, Luke sat alone in the kitchen, picking on the dinner that Emma had reheated for him. Holden had eventually had to return to the hospital, and Emma went with him so she could see Ethan. She had been a little hesitant to leave Luke alone, but Luke had convinced her that he would be fine. He did not need a babysitter, and besides, he kind of wanted to be alone. Both his dad and his grandmother had been given him that _look_ the whole afternoon, that ‘poor Luke’ look, and it was getting on his nerves. He just wanted to miss Noah in peace.

He finally pushed the plate away, giving up trying to get any more food down. He had eaten a few bites, but that was all he could manage. He threw the rest of the food away and put the dirty dish and cutlery in the sink before returning upstairs. He wanted to go to bed. He wanted to sleep. Sleep and forget about everything.

 

 

***

 

 

Sleeping turned out not to be so easy. Or rather, falling asleep was easy enough (which kind of surprised him), but then he was awake again at one in the morning and no matter how much he tossed and turned he couldn’t go back to sleep.

Eventually he gave up. He sat up, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and leaned his head in his hands. He felt like he was going crazy. He was an emotional wreck, with all these feelings that completely overwhelmed him, but at the same time he felt so empty. He hadn’t realized just how big a piece of himself he had given to Noah, and now that Noah was gone, that piece was gone with him.

He turned on the lamp on his nightstand, reading Noah’s note one more time. He didn’t know why. A part of him was still hoping that Noah had left him a clue somewhere between the lines, just some kind of hint about where he had gone. Or maybe he just liked to torture himself. By reading Noah’s words over and over until he knew them by heart. The words that were Noah’s goodbye to him. Maybe forever.

He felt like crying again, but somehow he couldn’t. Maybe he was finally all cried out. Instead he slowly got to his feet, his legs moving, seemingly of their own accord, out of the room, through the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. The house was dark and quiet and the only sound he heard was the sound of his own bare feet against the floorboards.

Somehow he ended up in the pantry. He didn’t know why at first, and stood there for a moment, wondering why he had ended up here, of all places. But slowly he began to understand. Apparently, his subconscious had taken over for the time being, seemingly knowing exactly what it was Luke needed right now.

Luke found the small ladder that Emma kept in the pantry for when she needed to access the highest shelves. He slowly climbed the few steps, unconsciously holding his breath. He didn’t know if it would still be there. The day that he had promised his parents to stop drinking, they had gone over the farmhouse and gotten rid of every drop of alcohol there was, not wanting to make it harder on Luke by keeping alcohol around. But a few weeks later, Luke had discovered one bottle that had been forgotten, sitting on the highest shelf in the pantry, in the corner, where it was impossible to see it when you were standing on the floor. He didn’t do anything about it, then, and later he had honestly forgotten about it, because that was when Noah came along and gave Luke more important things to think about.

But his subconscious didn’t forget. And yes, he discovered with a sigh of relief, the bottle was still there. He grabbed it quickly, before he had time to think it over too much, and hurried out of the pantry.

Not much later Luke was sitting on the floor up in the hayloft, the unopened bottle of… _something_ (he honestly didn’t care what it was, as long as it was strong) in front of him. He sat unmoving, just staring at it. He sat there for five minutes. Ten. Fifteen minutes.

An hour passed.

He wanted to open the bottle so bad. He wanted to open the bottle and drink the content more than he had ever wanted to drink before in his life. He needed to drink. He needed to fill that emptiness inside, he needed to take the edge off and not _feel_ so much.

He just wanted to hurt a little less.

And he knew that if he just opened the bottle and took a few swigs, then everything would feel a little more bearable. At least for a while.

But somehow he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Every time he tried, every time he wanted to reach out and grab the bottle, he heard his father’s voice inside his head, telling him how proud he was of how far Luke had come, and he remembered the promise he had made to himself after he had crashed the tractor, the promise to never disappoint his father that badly again. He saw his newborn brother, only a day old, someone who would need an older brother to look up to. And he saw Noah’s smiling face, looking at Luke as if he was the whole world.

And he couldn’t do it.

He had all these people counting on him to be strong, people who loved him and were proud of him, and he just couldn’t let them down. Especially Noah. Drinking now would be like giving up. Giving up on Noah, giving up on _them_. And he couldn’t do that. Noah had to be so scared and so lonely right now, and Luke had to be strong for him, even if they weren’t together. So that if Noah _did_ come back one day (he _had_ to), then Luke wouldn’t be a wreck, but someone who was actually worthy of him, someone who was able to be there for him.

Luke resolutely moved to sit the other way, turning his back to the bottle. He had come too far to crack now. But he had to do _something_ , or else he’d go crazy and his decision not to drink might not last very long.

He thought it over for a moment. And then he made a new decision.

And this time, he knew he was doing the right thing. Because it was the only thing he could do.

 

 

***

 

 

The night had turned to morning by the time he got the saddle on Frodo and was ready to ride out to the cabin.

“Good boy,” he murmured to the horse after Frodo had been standing there patiently while Luke did the necessary preparations. “You miss Noah too, don’t you?” he asked, patting Frodo’s neck. “Well, I’m going to tell you a secret.” He leaned a little closer, almost whispering. “I’m going after him. I know there’s not much hope of finding him, but I have to at least try. No matter how hopeless may seem, I won’t be able to rest until I have done something.” He sighed and rested his head against Frodo’s neck. “I know he thinks he was doing the right thing when he left me, but he didn’t even give me a choice, you know? And I should be with him. Noah needs me, I know he does. We’re a team now and I have to make him see that he doesn’t have to do everything alone anymore.”

He led Frodo out of the barn and climbed up in the saddle. “We’re going out to the cabin now,” he told the horse as they took off. “I have to see if there’s _anything_ there that can give me a clue about where Noah might have gone. If there isn’t… well, that makes the whole thing a lot more difficult, but I’m still going after him.”

Now that he had a purpose, a purpose that would hopefully bring Noah back to him, no matter if it took weeks or months, he felt energetic and alive again. He encouraged Frodo to run as fast as he could as they moved through the woods, because the sooner he got to the cabin, the sooner he could return to the farm, get in the car and start his search for Noah. And Frodo seemed to understand the urgency, he ran quickly and eagerly through the woods, and soon they arrived at the cabin.

The cabin looked dead and abandoned. Luke jumped off Frodo’s back, his heart sinking a little. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but he had had a tiny hope that maybe Noah would be here. That maybe he hadn’t really left after all. Luke knew it was silly because he remembered what the note said; that Noah was leaving and that they wouldn’t see each other for a very long time, but he couldn’t help it. Not seeing Noah again was a thought that was too unbearable to accept. So he was going to keep hoping, no matter if it meant that he would get disappointed over and over again. At least it kept him going.

Noah’s copy of _The Lord of the Rings_ was still lying on the front steps of the cabin. Luke picked it up and flipped through it, finding the folded corner that indicated how much Noah had read. He discovered that Noah had finished almost two thirds of the book. Luke couldn’t help smiling a little at that, sadly and proudly. Either Noah really liked the book, or he really wanted to make Luke happy. Either way, Luke felt his heart swell with love.

Luke opened the door to the cabin and stepped inside. He looked at Noah’s little corner of the room, and had to smile again, this time a little teary-eyed. Even in this shabby old cabin, Noah kept everything tidy and neat. The blankets on the mattress he used to sleep on were nicely folded, and the few items of clothing that he owned were placed in two perfect little piles on the table. The food was stacked on a shelf, with not a single item out of order. Everything about it was so _Noah_ and it made Luke miss him so much he could hardly stand it.

He sat down on the mattress and stayed there for a while, thinking about Noah. About Noah’s smile and his laughter, the way he kissed and touched Luke, making Luke feel so loved and so special. No one had ever made him feel the way that Noah did. And he hoped, so much, that he had made Noah feel the same way. That Noah knew how much Luke loved him.

After a few minutes he dried his eyes and started to look around. He had to do what he came here to do. See if he could find something. Some kind of clue. Anything.

But he soon realized that it was hopeless. It was nothing there. Noah really had left without a trace, and Luke had to start his search with just one tiny little lead to go on. Chicago. When Noah first came to the farm, he had told Luke that his sort-of-plan was to maybe, eventually, end up in Chicago. That’s it. That’s all Luke had.

It wasn’t much, he knew that. Finding Noah in Chicago would be, well, pretty much hopeless. But at least he had a fairly good idea about which direction Noah had taken. That was something, at least. If he could just find Noah before he arrived in Chicago…

But that meant that he had to get a move on. Luke scrambled to his feet, and after one final look around the room, he left.

Frodo was grazing right outside the cabin. When Luke came out, he lifted his head, almost expectantly, as if he was waiting to hear if Luke had found anything. Luke patted his neck, smiling affectionately.

“Nothing,” he sighed. “There was nothing there.”

But then he felt Frodo stiffen. The horse lifted his head and turned it a little from side to side, almost as if he was looking for something. And then he suddenly let out a neigh that sounded like one of pure happiness.

“What’s going on, boy?” Luke asked, trying to calm the now very elated Frodo down. But Frodo was having none of it; instead he started to run towards the other side of the small clearing. “Frodo!” Luke called, but the horse didn’t pay him any attention.

And then Luke discovered why. Because there, on the other side of the clearing, halfway hidden behind a big tree, was a person. Someone that Luke recognized at once. Someone tall and gorgeous, with dark hair.

Noah.

But, no, it couldn’t be. Noah was gone. Luke had to be seeing things. He wanted to see Noah so badly that his mind was making up fantasy images. Luke blinked a few times and shook his head a little.

But Noah was still there. He was patting Frodo’s neck now, the horse over the moon with happiness at seeing him again. And then Noah looked up, his gaze connecting with Luke’s.

Luke suddenly realized that he was moving. And then he was running. And then Noah was moving, too. Soon they had closed the distance between them and then Luke threw himself into Noah’s arms, Noah catching him and holding him, and Luke was crying, because Noah was real and he was here and it wasn’t a dream.

He was clutching Noah as tightly as he could, crying into his shoulder. And Noah just held him, for a long time, murmuring, “I’m here, Luke, I’m here,” into his ear over and over again, until Luke’s tears started to subside and his breathing was beginning to return to normal.

“I was so scared,” he whispered into Noah’s shoulder. “So scared I’d never see you again.”

“I couldn’t do it,” Noah whispered. “I couldn’t leave. I was going to, and I should, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave you.”

And then Luke cried some more and they continued to hold each other, Luke whispering “I love you, I love you,” over and over again, making Noah clutch him even tighter.

And when they kissed, it was wet and kind of sloppy and tasted salty from the tears but it was still the most amazing kiss they had ever shared.

 

 

***

 

 

Luke didn’t let go of Noah’s hand as they walked back to the farm. He knew it was silly, but he was scared that if he did, Noah would somehow disappear again, and that was something he just wouldn’t be able to take. With his other hand he was holding Frodo’s reins, the horse following behind them, occasionally poking them with his nose, making sure they knew he was still there.

They walked in silence for a long time. Noah was the one who finally spoke.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked quietly. When Luke looked at him, he added, “For leaving, I mean.”

Luke thought about it for a moment. He had been going through so many different emotions while Noah was gone, and he couldn’t deny that anger had been one of them.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I mean, yes, I have been angry with you, but that wasn’t the main feeling.”

“Then what was?”

“Sadness, I guess,” Luke said. “I was sad, and yeah, angry too, that you left without a word, except for the note. And I was really upset that you didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye, and that you didn’t even give me a choice about what to do.”

“Because you would have stayed with me,” Noah said. “You would have come with me, or insisted that I stay on the farm, and that would mean putting your own life in danger. And I couldn’t let you do that.”

“But that was still my choice to make,” Luke insisted. “You had no right to make it for me.”

“But I was the one who got you involved. It was about time I got you out of it.”

“No,” Luke said, tugging on Noah’s hand. “Don’t you get it? We’re together now, Noah. We’re a team. And that means we do things together. Including dealing with your father.”

“Yeah, but Luke,” Noah protested. “You… you are _so_ important to me. The most important thing in my life. And how could I not do everything in my power to make sure that you were safe? I think that’s part of caring about someone, too.”

Luke didn’t know what to say to that. He and Noah would probably never agree on this anyway. And how could he be angry with Noah for caring so much about him that he was willing to do anything, even sacrificing his own happiness, to make sure that Luke was safe? It was sweet, and stupid, and kind of overwhelming all at the same time.

“Then why did you come back?” he asked instead.

Noah looked at him. “I told you. I couldn’t do it. I know it’s selfish of me, but I couldn’t stand being away from you. And… I started thinking.”

“About what?”

“About you, being back in Oakdale. About my father, who, as far as we know, is also in Oakdale. And I realized that with me gone, there was nothing there to protect you from him. Nothing to stop him from… from doing something to you, especially if he thought you were protecting me or something. And I started to think that maybe me being away from you was even more dangerous than me being with you.”

Luke thought about that. “Noah, you keep saying that you’re scared your father will ‘do something’ to me. But do you really think he would? Would he really go that far? It seems… kind of extreme.”

Noah sighed. “Honestly? I have no idea what he might do. And I don’t want to find out. So I guess that means I’m staying with you.” He turned to Luke. “If you still want me.”

Luke leaned in to kiss him. “Of course I do, silly,” he murmured affectionately. “I love you. There’s no way I will ever not want to be with you.”

“Same here,” Noah whispered. “And I’m sorry for everything I keep putting you through. I just hope I can make it up to you someday.”

“You do,” Luke smiled, brushing a hand lightly over Noah’s cheek. “Every day. Well, except when you’re leaving me.” He meant for it to come out as a joke (although not a very funny one) but he wasn’t quite able to pull it off. Noah smiled a little sadly.

“I’m so sorry, Luke,” he said quietly. “You have to believe that it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I just couldn’t see that I had a choice, other than putting you in danger.”

Luke sighed. “It’s okay, Noah,” he said. “Well, no, it’s not _okay_ , because you kind of broke my heart by leaving like that and letting me think I’d never see you again… but you’re here now. And that’s all I care about.”

They walked silently for a while. They were getting close to the farm when Luke remembered that he had a confession to make.

“Noah, there’s something I think I should tell you,” he began. “I keep talking about how we’re a team now and how we’re in this together, so I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t tell you this, even though I’m kind of scared to.”

Noah threw him a worried glance. “Now you’re kind of freaking me out, Luke.”

“No, it’s okay,” Luke hurried to say. “It’s not bad. I mean, it could have been… but it’s not. It’s okay.”

“Okay…” Noah said slowly. “Then what’s going on?”

“It’s just that…” Luke took a deep breath. “Okay. When you were gone… I wasn’t… I wasn’t doing so good. I was sad, and scared, and upset, and… I was a mess.” He looked at Noah, who was opening his mouth to say something. “No, I’m not blaming you, so don’t apologize,” he said, making Noah slowly close his mouth again. “But you have to understand. I love you more than anything in the world, and I was scared I’d never see you again. It was really, really hard.”

Noah nodded slowly in understanding, an apology in his eyes.

“And I’m not saying all this to excuse what I did,” Luke continued. “Or what I almost did. I just want you to understand why it happened.”

“Luke, what are you talking about?” Noah asked, still looking worried.

Luke stopped walking and turned to Noah. “I almost drank,” he admitted quietly, not daring to look at Noah’s face. “I found a bottle of alcohol and I almost drank it.”

Noah breathed out, taking some time to let this new piece of information sink in. “Oh, Luke,” he said, grabbing both of Luke’s hands. “I… god, this is all my fault. What happened?”

Luke shook his head. “No, Noah, I told you, it’s not your fault. This is all me, it’s my problem to deal with.” He thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain it to Noah. “Like I said, I was a mess. It must sound rather pathetic, but I honestly felt like my life was over. I missed you so much and I needed you so much and I had all these feelings… And I just wanted to forget for a little while. I wanted to not feel so much. I wanted it to be a little less painful.”

“Luke…” Noah began, and his face was full of regret.

“No, Noah, don’t. Even though I don’t agree with you, I can see why you did what you did. This isn’t really about that. I guess I’m always sometimes going to find myself in situations where I really want to drink, and if it hadn’t happened because of this, it would eventually have happened because of something else. The important thing is that I didn’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“Because of you,” Luke said, looking Noah in the eyes. “Because of Ethan. Because of the people I love. I just… I couldn’t let you all down. I couldn’t let myself down. I couldn’t let Ethan grow up with an alcoholic for a big brother. But also…” He paused for a moment, contemplating how he was going to explain this. “Noah, falling in love with you has been everything I’ve ever needed. Now that I have you, I don’t even need to drink anymore. I don’t want to, it wouldn’t give me anything. And when I sat there, with that unopened bottle in front of me, it suddenly hit me that if I opened that bottle and drank what was inside it… It would be like I was trying to replace you, or something. Trying to fill that place inside me that belongs to you with something that can _never_ come close to what you are to me. It was like I was giving up on us. God, it sounds really stupid, but-”

“No, Luke, it doesn’t, I get it,” Noah said, pulling Luke into his arms. “God, Luke, you’re so strong, you don’t even know it.”

“I’m not strong,” Luke mumbled against Noah’s shirt. “Look what happened. You’re gone for one day, and I almost fall right back into that mess I’ve been working so hard to get myself out of.”

“But you stopped yourself,” Noah pointed out. “That’s what matters. I’m so proud of you for that.”

Hearing those words was like music to Luke’s ears. Noah was proud of him. Noah wanted him. Somehow, that made everything okay.

“Noah,” Luke said, lifting his head from where it had been burrowed in Noah’s shoulder. “Can we just… not be apart again? Please? Because it really, really sucks.”

Noah smiled fondly at him. “It does suck,” he agreed. “I wasn’t doing so well without you, either.”

“Good,” Luke said. “I mean, not _good_ , but selfishly, I’m kind of glad to hear that. And maybe you’ll know better than to pull a stunt like that again.”

Noah laughed softly, and pulled Luke in for a kiss.

 

 

***

 

 

Luke was starving when they came back to the farm. He hadn’t really eaten while Noah was gone, and Noah eventually admitted that he hadn’t eaten at all since he left the farm. Luke knew he had barn chores to do and this time he was going to do them and not ask someone to do them for him, he’d been slacking off enough as it was lately, but not before they had eaten something. And not before he had convinced Noah, who had to be even more exhausted than Luke, to get some rest.

They ate in companionable silence. Luke liked it. It felt so nice and normal. For a moment he could just forget and pretend that nothing had really changed. He could forget that Colonel Mayer was still out there, that Noah was still scared, and that they still hadn’t figured out what to do about the whole thing. For now they were just a normal couple, having a meal together.

Luke was flipping through the local newspaper while he ate. He wasn’t really paying attention to what he read though, he was too busy throwing glances at Noah or playing with his fingers over the table. It was probably a little silly, Luke figured, but he really liked having that connection. Plus, it was kind of romantic, too. It was just one of those small things that he loved being able to do.

But then he flipped another page, and a picture caught his attention. With a growing sense of horror he started to read the article underneath, the shock and disbelief increasing with every word. He finally threw a look over at Noah, who was looking at him with worry.

“Something wrong?” he asked gently, nodding towards the newspaper.

Luke didn’t know what to say. How could he tell Noah what he had just been reading? But at the same time, how could he not? In the end he just pushed the newspaper wordlessly across the table, letting Noah read for himself. He gripped Noah’s hand a little tighter.

He watched Noah’s face as he read the article, watched how the concern and curiosity on his face turned to shock and disbelief. He watched as Noah tried to wrap his mind around the reality of the situation, as he read the article about Cheri Love, also known as Charlene Wilson, briefly known, years ago, as Charlene Mayer. Noah’s mother. Who supposedly died when Noah was a kid, but somehow ended up as a prostitute in Oakdale, until she was killed a few weeks ago. Killed by her ex-husband. Colonel Winston Mayer. His blood was found on the crime scene and the police were sure that he was their guy, so sure that they asked people who knew anything about his whereabouts to contact them immediately.

If the police was right with their suspicions, then Noah’s mother had been killed by Noah’s father.

It was too much. Too extreme. Too overwhelming. And Luke couldn’t understand how Noah was going to even begin to deal with this on top of everything else he was going through.

“Noah…” Luke began, but Noah just pushed the newspaper away, pulled his hand away from Luke’s and quickly left the kitchen.

Luke waited a few minutes before he followed him. He heard the couch in the living room squeak as Noah sat down on it so he knew where he was, and he also knew that it was probably a good idea to give Noah a few moments to himself before joining him. He could only imagine how hard this had to be for him.

But after five minutes Luke couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He walked into the living room, and slowly approached the couch where Noah was currently sitting, staring into space, his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped around them. Luke sat down next to him, wrapped an arm around Noah’s shoulder and leaned his head against Noah’s.

He didn’t know what to say. What could he say? So instead he just sat there quietly, offering Noah all the support that he could.

Luke didn’t know how long it had been when Noah finally started to talk. “You know, my first thought was that this can’t be true. That they have to be wrong, that he police must have made some kind of mistake. Because my dad… he couldn’t have done this.”

“Maybe the police are wrong,” Luke murmured softly.

“No,” Noah shook his head. “I think they’re right. The more I think about it, the more I’m starting to believe it. In a way it even makes sense.”

“What makes sense?” Luke asked gently, running a hand through Noah’s soft hair. _I’m here, baby_ , he thought. _I’m here. Always._

“Just… everything. Stuff that has happened over the years. Things he has told me, or that others have told me. Rumors I’ve heard. There was always something there that didn’t quite make sense. And now I know why. She’s been alive all along.” He paused. “God, she’s been alive all along. He’s lied to me all this time.”

Luke rubbed Noah’s arm. He didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve always been scared of what my father is capable of,” Noah continued, his voice not quite steady. But at least he was talking. Luke was thankful for that. “Deep down I’ve always wondered… worried about what he might do if he’s pushed too far. But knowing that he’s actually gone to these lengths…” He shook his head. “And to my mother! God, he must have really hated her. But why did he do it now? And my mother, why did she never contact me or tell me that she was alive? It’s too late now. All this time I thought she was dead and now I learn that she’s been alive up until now. I don’t even know what to do with that information.”

Luke kissed Noah softly on the cheek. “It’s okay, Noah, anyone would have a hard time dealing with something like this.”

Noah shook his head. “I don’t know what to do, Luke. I can’t… I just can’t…” He finally looked at Luke, and there were tears in his eyes now. He was biting his lip to keep from crying, and Luke’s heart just broke for him. He pulled Noah into an embrace, just as the first sob escaped.

“It’ll be okay, baby,” he whispered softly. “It’ll be okay. I’m here.”

Luke continued to hold Noah while Noah cried into his shoulder, wetting his t-shirt with his tears. It was the only thing he could do.

 

 

***

 

 

Noah had finally fallen asleep. He was lying on the sofa with his head in Luke’s lap, snoring softly.

Luke thoughtfully played with some strands of Noah’s dark hair. He wasn’t sure which emotion was the strongest right now – sadness for Noah, anger at the Colonel for putting Noah through so much crap or disbelief over the whole situation. It was too much. And he realized that he had never really taken Noah’s fear for the Colonel as seriously as he should have. He could tell that Noah was scared of him and after meeting him in person he understood why, but he had never understood how bad the guy really was. He got it now. Noah’s father had actually murdered someone. He had taken another person’s life. His ex-wife, no less.

How could Noah, the sweetest and most gentle person Luke had ever met, have a father like that?

And then another thought hit him: Colonel Mayer was still out there. Most likely right here in Oakdale. God, he thought in horror, why hadn’t he thought about that before? He had been so busy being there for Noah and giving him the support that he needed, that he hadn’t really taken in the reality of the situation. The Colonel was a dangerous man and he was out there. Probably looking for Noah. And now he wasn’t just Noah’s scary father any longer. He was a wanted murderer.

Luke carefully eased himself out from under Noah, relieved that Noah didn’t wake up. He pulled out his cell and looked up his dad’s cousin Jack on the contact list. He had never been so happy to have a policeman in the family. Maybe Jack knew more about the murder case. Maybe they had even caught the Colonel by now.

But Jack didn’t answer the phone. Luke sighed, and found his dad’s number instead. He needed to talk to someone, because this whole thing was starting to get a lot bigger than he could handle. But before he could hit the call button, there was a knock on the door. His grandmother wasn’t home, she’d called him earlier to let him know she would be out all day, so after a look over at Noah, just to check if he was still sleeping, Luke went out to the kitchen to open it.

And then he felt like his heart was going to stop.

Because there, outside the door, was Colonel Mayer.

Despite the shock, Luke was surprised over how quickly he managed to pull himself together. “Colonel Mayer,” he said, plastering a smile on his face. “Can I help you?”

The Colonel didn’t bother with pleasantries. “Where’s my son?” he asked, his eyes boring into Luke.

“He-he’s not here,” Luke said impulsively. “He left.” The Colonel kept looking at him. “Yeah, he said it was time to move on,” Luke continued, trying his best to sound convincing. “I think he was heading to Chicago or something.”

The Colonel never took his eyes off him. “Where’s my son?” he demanded again.

Luke swallowed. “I just told you. I don’t know.” He prayed that Noah wouldn’t wake up, that he would stay in the living room. Because this man, Noah’s father, was absolutely crazy. Luke could see it in his eyes. And Luke didn’t want him anywhere near Noah.

But the next moment the Colonel was pushing forward into the kitchen, pulling out something from inside his jacket. A gun. _Oh shit. Shit!_

Luke stumbled backwards into the kitchen. He was really starting to get scared now. The Colonel was no longer just a crazy man. He was a crazy man with a gun.

And right now he was pointing that gun straight at Luke.

“You listen to me, _Luke Snyder_ ,” the Colonel threatened, and for some reason Luke wasn’t too surprised that the guy knew his name. He had found this farm, after all. Luke suddenly remembered something that Noah once said: _My father is really good at that. Finding things._ Things _and_ people, as it turned out. “I know what you are, and what you are trying to do to my son. So you better tell me where he is, right now.” The Colonel was waving the gun at Luke, slowly coming closer, forcing Luke to move backwards.

Luke’s heart was hammering in his chest. If the Colonel could kill his own ex-wife, Luke had no doubt he could kill Luke too, in a heartbeat. He probably even wanted to. It was pretty clear that the Colonel knew that he and Noah were more than friends and it was equally clear that he hated that idea. _He wants me out of the way. He wants me away from Noah._

Luke swallowed. He knew the last thing he should do was lie to the man who was pointing a gun at him. But all he could think about was making sure that Noah was safe. Keeping the Colonel away from him. No matter what.

So he opened his mouth, ready to once again deny having any idea about Noah’s whereabouts.

But he was too late.

“Dad.”

Both Luke and the Colonel turned towards Noah, the Colonel not taking the gun away from Luke. Noah was standing in the doorway, appearing calm, but Luke could see the shock and despair in his eyes. The fear. “Dad, I’m here,” he said. “You can put the gun down.”

The Colonel let out a short laugh. “Oh no, son, I don’t think so. You see, your little friend here just lied to me. He said he didn’t know where you were. But, surprise, surprise, here you are. You know I don’t accept dishonesty, Noah.”

Luke was impressed with Noah’s ability to stay calm. At least, on the outside. Luke could easily tell that there was chaos inside of Noah. No wonder. He was, after all, watching his father point a gun at his boyfriend.

“He didn’t know, dad,” Noah said, looking straight at his father. “I really did leave. I left without telling him where I was going. I only came back just now. He didn’t know I was here.”

“And you actually expect me to believe that?” The Colonel’s eyes were on Noah now, and Luke, still with the cell phone in his hand, very discreetly started to type in a text message. He wasn’t sure how much sense it would make, as he wasn’t looking at the screen as he typed, but he hoped that the words he was trying to write, _Col. Mayer, gun, farm, help_ , would be somewhat understandable.

The Colonel was still speaking. “No, Noah. You are going to quit lying and start being honest with me right now, or you can say goodbye to your little friend here.” He looked at Luke again, just as Luke hit ‘send’, hiding his cell behind his back, out of view from the Colonel.

“Dad, what do you want?” Noah asked, his voice louder and more desperate now. He looked nervously at the gun.

“I want you to end this stupid behavior and come with me,” the Colonel said. “You’ve made your point, or whatever it was you were hoping to achieve when you ran away, and it’s time to go home.”

“Home?” Noah asked disbelieving. “Dad, I know what you’ve done! I know what you’ve done to… to mom. After lying to me my whole life, telling me she was dead, you… you killed her! Why?”

Colonel Mayer looked at Noah as if the answer should have been obvious. “You didn’t know her, Noah. You didn’t know how she was. She was a liar and a whore and I had to protect you from her. I did it for you, son.”

Noah shook his head in disbelief, and Luke felt like doing the same. This was crazy. But he stood unmoving. He didn’t dare do anything else. _Hurry up, dad_ , he thought, desperately hoping that his dad checked his phone.

“But dad, you didn’t even give me a chance to get to know her,” Noah pointed out. “And why are you still pointing that gun at Luke? What has he ever done to you?”

The Colonel snorted. “I’m not stupid, Noah. I know what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to turn you into a deviant like he is. But I know you’re not like that, son. I know you’ve been… confused, but you’re not like… like…” he waved the gun at Luke, Luke’s breath catching in his throat and Noah turning even paler, “like _that_ ,” he finished, his voice full of contempt.

“Dad, Luke isn’t trying to turn me into anything,” Noah tried to reason. “He’s just been helping me.”

“He is poison, Noah, don’t you see that?” The Colonel’s voice was full of hate. “Just like your mother was.”

“Dad, you’ve got it all wrong!” Noah tried again, his voice turning more and more desperate. “Luke… he means nothing to me. He’s just some guy that’s been helping me out. That’s all, I swear. He’s got nothing to do with this.”

Luke didn’t dare look at Noah. He knew that Noah was doing this for him, to get his father away from him. At this point, he was scared that if he did anything at all, the Colonel would completely flip.

The Colonel smiled slowly and evilly. “Really? So I guess you won’t care if I pull the trigger right now, then. Since he means so little to you.” He took a step closer to Luke, aiming the gun straight at his chest.

“Dad, no!” Noah cried, making a movement towards Luke. “Stop it, dad! I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me, I’ll do anything. Anything you want. Just let Luke go.”

The Colonel grinned in satisfaction and seemed to think it over for a moment. “Well, I’m a reasonable man,” he said, and if Luke hadn’t been so scared he would have snorted. “I’m not asking for much. All I ask is that you come with me. You do that, you come with me and promise me you’re never going to see Mr. Snyder here again, and he’s free to go.”

“Okay!” Noah said without hesitation. “Okay, dad, I’ll go with you. Put the gun down and we can get out of here.”

Suddenly everything happened really fast. Instead of taking the gun away from Luke, the Colonel made a movement as if to step even closer to Luke. A cry came from Noah, and before Luke knew it, Noah was fighting with his father over the gun. Luke reacted on pure instinct, he moved forward to help Noah, and for a moment the two of them struggled to get their hands on the gun and get it as far away from the Colonel as possible. Colonel Mayer was laughing, an evil, crazy laugh, as if this was some sort of game.

It felt like they had been fighting over the gun forever when, suddenly, it went off, the gunshot ear-splitting in the small kitchen. Someone cried out and then something hard knocked Luke in the head, making him fall to the floor.

Everything seemed to be disappearing. _Noah_ , was the only thing he was able to think, and then everything went dark.


	6. Part 6

Luke slowly blinked his eyes open, the world around him gradually coming into focus.

The first thing he registered was that he was lying in a bed, in a room that seemed unfamiliar to him. A hospital room, he realized, a bit confused. Why was he in the hospital? He turned his head a little, wincing at the sharp pain that shot through his head, and discovered the mass of dark hair on the mattress right next to his hand. Noah was sitting on a chair next to the bed, resting his head on Luke’s mattress and currently snoring lightly as he slept.

Luke smiled affectionately and reached out his hand to run it through Noah’s soft hair.

And then he started to remember.

The Colonel. The gun. The struggle…

Oh god. Was Noah okay?

Luke studied his face, relaxed and innocent in sleep. He looked okay, at least. No physical injuries, at least none that Luke could see. A little shakily he let out the breath he suddenly realized he was holding, telling himself that if Noah really was hurt, he wouldn’t be sitting here, but lying in a hospital bed of his own.

Noah began to stir, slowly opening his eyes and blinking a few times before lifting his head. He smiled and looked very relieved when he discovered that Luke was looking at him.

“Hi,” he murmured as he tried to stifle a yawn.

“Hi, yourself,” Luke said, smiling a little. “You look really tired.”

“I’m fine,” Noah said. “I’m more concerned about you. How do you feel?” He took Luke’s hand, linking their fingers together.

“I’m… I’m okay. A little confused. And my head hurts like hell when I move it.” He paused. “What… what happened? The last thing I remember is fighting with your dad for the gun.”

Noah looked away for a moment, visibly swallowing. He nodded. “Yeah. There was a struggle. I tried to take the gun from my… from the Colonel, but he kept moving it out of my reach. And I couldn’t see exactly what happened, but… suddenly the gun went off and you fell to the floor… God, Luke, I was so scared. I thought… I thought the bullet hit you.”

Noah looked really shaken up, even now that it was over, and Luke squeezed his hand, and reached his other hand out to brush it across Noah’s face. Noah closed his eyes, briefly leaning into the touch.

“I’m okay, baby,” Luke whispered. “I’m right here.” He smiled a little. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, you know.”

Noah nodded, a ghost of a smile on his lips, and ducked his head to leave a soft kiss on Luke’s hand. “The doctor thinks you got hit in the head with the gun,” he explained quietly. “And then you took a second knock to the head when you fell to the floor. You have a pretty severe concussion but the doctor promised me that you would be okay.”

“Of course I will be okay,” Luke assured him, even though it didn’t feel like it right now. His head was throbbing. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep. But he needed to talk with Noah first. “So what happened after I got knocked out?” he asked.

“Um… the gun fell to the floor after the bullet went off,” Noah said. “I kicked it further away so that… _he_ couldn’t reach it. And then all of a sudden your dad was there, with the police. And… I don’t know exactly what happened after that. All I could focus on was you. You were just lying there, so still… I really thought I might have lost you.”

Noah’s bottom lip trembled a little and his eyes were glistening with unshed tears, so Luke lifted his arm, grabbed the back of Noah’s neck, and pulled him down for a long, slow kiss. He put everything he had into that kiss, needing the connection as much as Noah seemed to do. For a moment he let the sensation wash over him, almost forgetting about his headache.

“You’ll never lose me, Noah,” Luke promised when they pulled apart, both slightly breathless. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“Then I hope you have a lot to say about it,” Noah whispered, pressing another soft kiss to Luke’s lips.

They talked quietly for a while longer, but soon Luke could barely keep his eyes open and Noah didn’t have to do too much convincing to get Luke to agree to sleep for a while. “We’ll talk more later,” he whispered, squeezing Luke’s hand. “Meanwhile I’ll go find your parents and the doctor, and tell them that you’ve been awake. Your parents were here earlier, but they had to get back to the baby.”

Luke nodded, already half asleep. “You’ll be here when I wake up, right?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Of course I’ll be here,” he heard Noah promise, and then he fell asleep.

 

 

***

 

 

The next time he woke up, Noah had been joined by Luke’s parents and a doctor. Luke felt better than the first time he had been awake, but the doctor informed him that he would have to stay at the hospital at least for the night, and quite possibly longer. “We want to keep you here for observation until we are sure that your brain hasn’t suffered any damage,” he said, and while Luke wanted to groan and protest (he _hated_ hospitals), he didn’t. After everything that had happened, he couldn’t bring himself to complain about something like this. He knew he was lucky to even be alive. And then there was Noah, who was going through something that was so much worse.

So Luke just thanked the doctor, talked with his parents for a while, assured his mother a number of times that he was doing fine, and then his parents said goodbye to go back to the maternity ward. Lily promised him that if the doctors gave their permission, she would bring along Ethan the next day so that Luke could see him.

Luke let out a sigh of relief when they were out the door and only Noah was left. “I love them, but right now I couldn’t wait for them to get out of here.” He rested his head against the pillow, looking at Noah who was standing a few feet away. “Come here,” he murmured, motioning for Noah to come closer.

Noah stepped over to the bed, and Luke scooted over a little, making room for Noah next to him. Noah looked at the bed, and then up at Luke. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked uncertainly.

“I’m sure this is the best idea I’ve had all week,” Luke said, patting the mattress next to him. “I want to be close to you, Noah.”

Noah still looked a little hesitant, but he seemed to make up his mind, and carefully climbed onto the bed next to Luke, carefully gathering Luke in his arms. Luke sighed contentedly as he rested his head against Noah’s chest. _This is more like it_.

“Have you… talked with the police?” Luke asked after a while, hoping that Noah would tell him more about everything that had happened. He was still pretty confused.

“Just briefly,” Noah said. “They want me to come down to the station and make a proper statement but… I kind of told them that I wouldn’t leave the hospital until I was sure that you were okay, so…”

Luke smiled a little, kissing Noah’s t-shirt covered chest. “So now that you know…”

“I’ll do it tomorrow. I just want to get it over with.”

Luke nodded. “So, did the police tell you anything? About… you know, about your dad… and your mom?”

“Um… they told me a little. And then my d-… I mean, the Colonel yelled some things when the police took him away, so I kind of put the story together. Apparently he, the Colonel, managed to track my bank card. I don’t know how he did it, but I’m honestly not that surprised. He has contacts _everywhere_ and that’s why I tried to be careful about using it. But I kind of had to, at one point, so when he discovered that I was heading in the direction of Oakdale, where he knew my mother currently lived, he thought that maybe I had figured out the truth about her.” He paused. “It’s such a weird coincidence, you know? That I would somehow end up in the same town as my mother, without having any idea she was here.”

“Yeah, that is weird,” Luke murmured. “It’s just too bad you never got to meet her.”

“Yeah,” Noah agreed quietly. “Anyway. The Colonel was worried that I would somehow find my mother. And he couldn’t let that happen. Because, apparently, she was a, and I quote, ‘lying, cheating whore’ and he didn’t want me to be exposed to her ‘immoral and poisonous ways’.” Noah laughed bitterly. “He kept saying he did it to protect me. That he did it out of love for me. How sick and twisted is that?”

Luke didn’t know what to say. It _was_ sick and twisted. It was crazy. And to think that Noah had grown up with that man…

Noah continued, “That day we ran into him here at the hospital… He got hurt when he… he killed my mother, and… apparently the wound got infected or something and he went to the hospital to see a doctor about it. And he saw me with you, and…” A slight shudder ran through Noah. “I suppose he saw you as another person he needed to protect me from.”

Luke clutched Noah tighter. “So when he came to the farm…”

“He was able to find out who you were. And he was going to get me away from you, no matter what.”

“God, Noah,” Luke whispered. “I can hardly believe it. It seems like something out of a horror movie. You always told me these stories about your dad but I never realized how bad it was.”

“I don’t think I knew either. I was always worried about what he was actually capable of, but I never expected something like this.”

“How could you?” Luke murmured. “No one could have predicted this.”

Noah didn’t say anything to that. Instead he found Luke’s hand and grabbed it.

“You know what is worst?” he asked after a while. “That he kept my mother away from me all this time. That he never gave me a chance to get to know her. All this time I thought she was dead, and she wasn’t. And I know that she was a… a prostitute and that not everybody had nice things to say about her, but… she was my _mother_. I have to believe that she was a good person. I just have to.”

“I know she was a good person,” Luke said without a doubt.

“How can you know that?”

“Because she was your mother, Noah. And you’re the most wonderful person I know. That has to come from somewhere, right? And we know it’s not your dad.”

Noah was quiet for a moment. “Thank you, Luke,” he said finally.

“For what?” Luke murmured.

“For… for everything. This whole thing is so crazy and overwhelming and I don’t know how to deal with it all. But somehow you make things better. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you.”

“Well, you have me, Noah,” Luke promised. “Always.”

“Good,” Noah said, his voice a little unsteady. “Because I don’t know what to do now. I have no family, no place to go, no home. You are literally all that I have.”

“No, Noah, that’s not true. You have my whole family in your corner.” Luke looked up at him. “And you have a home with us, if you want it.

Noah’s eyes widened a little in surprise. “Really?”

“Of course,” Luke said. “I haven’t spoken to my parents about it yet, but I know they’ll agree. And then you can go to school here and we can be together all the time.”

“That sounds… kind of amazing,” Noah admitted. “But Luke, I’m… a bit of a mess right now. And I might stay that way for a while. I probably won’t be much fun to be around.”

“All the more reason why you should stay with us,” Luke pointed out. “That way you’ll always have someone around, if you need us. And I want to be there for you, Noah. Please let me.”

Noah looked at him for a long time, and then he smiled a little. “You’re lucky I can’t say no to you,” he murmured, leaning down for a kiss.

Luke couldn’t disagree with that. He really was lucky.

 

 

***

 

 

Luke had to stay at the hospital for two nights before the doctors agreed to let him go home. And even after that, they demanded he get one week’s rest, which meant as little activity as possible. Luke wasn’t too happy about it, he thought he’d go crazy just sitting or lying around, but having Noah there helped a lot. After having talked with Luke’s parents and with Emma, it was decided that the boys stay at the farm, since Luke wanted to continue with his barn chores once he got better and Noah really liked it there. Emma was happy to have them, and even though Lily was a little reluctant about Luke continuing to live apart from the rest of the family, she agreed that they could try it for a few more months and see how it went. And Luke promised that he would come around the house more – he wanted to see his newborn brother and he really missed his sisters, and now that he and his mother were on the same page again and there were no more secrets, he no longer dreaded seeing his parents.

That one week long resting period gave Luke a lot of time to think. Mainly about Noah, and everything that had happened since he showed up at the farm, but also about himself and his drinking problem. Especially about how close he had come to cracking when Noah disappeared. It scared him. How easily he had returned to that way of thinking. He hadn’t told his parents about what happened, because he didn’t want them to worry, but it had made him reconsider some things. Initially, he hadn’t wanted any outside help to deal with his problem, because he was convinced that he could do it on his own. Now, he was no longer so sure. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk about his issues with someone. Like, maybe checking out one of those support groups he had heard about. Because as much as he didn’t want to think about it, he knew it was a bad sign that he had turned to the bottle as soon as he didn’t have Noah anymore. As soon as things got difficult. He didn’t really want to consider the option, but if he and Noah ever broke up, he had to be strong enough to deal with that without alcohol. If he wasn’t, he would be putting a lot of pressure on Noah, and that wasn’t fair. He couldn’t depend on Noah to keep him from drinking. As much as he liked to think of them as a team, it was, after all, Luke’s drinking problem, not Noah’s.

Still, Luke knew it was a big step in the right direction that he had been able to stop himself. That he had been strong enough to do that. That was a huge difference from how things had been a few months ago. And it made him hopeful that he might actually be able to get past this, even though he still had a way to go.

Those last few weeks of summer passed by rather quickly. Noah soon became an integral part of the family and Luke was thrilled to see that everybody, from his little sisters to his grandmothers, really adored him. At first, he and Noah had been careful about showing too much affection around the family, afraid that it would weird people out, but gradually they discovered that no one really seemed to mind. One day Luke had even caught his dad watching them as he and Noah shared a quick kiss, and his expression had been so filled with _something_ … pride, maybe? …that Luke just wanted to hug him.

Those first few weeks after everything that happened with the Colonel hadn’t been very easy for Noah. His father had confessed to everything, he had even seemed proud of what he had done and never stopped claiming that he did the right thing. The police had assured Luke and Noah that he would go to prison for a very long time, which meant that Noah was finally free of him, but it also meant losing the only biological family he had. Even though Noah said that he had lost his dad a long time ago, Luke could tell that he was having a hard time dealing with it, as well as losing his mother a second time. They had gone to the police station to see the Colonel a final time before he was sent off to prison, and even though Noah didn’t say it, Luke could tell that he was hoping that his father would finally see the error of his ways. But he didn’t, of course. Instead he insisted, once again, that he had killed Charlene to protect Noah, and he had called Luke things that made Luke flinch just thinking about it… and Noah had finally had enough of it. He grabbed a firm hold of Luke’s hand, looked his father straight in the eye and said, “Goodbye, dad. Luke and I are going home now.” And then they had left the room, not looking back a single time, and Luke thought that he had never been more proud of Noah.

Once they came back to the farm, Noah had finally broken down and cried, for the first time since that day in the farm kitchen when the Colonel had shown his true colors. Luke just held Noah, shedding a few tears of his own. He didn’t know what else he could do. Either way, he figured it was probably good for Noah to finally let everything out, everything that he had kept inside since that day. His heart went out to Noah as he held him and kissed his hair and whispered words of love and affection in his ear. No one should have to go through what Noah had. And the fact that it was _Noah_ , his wonderful, sweet Noah who had been forced to endure something like this… it broke Luke’s heart.

But after that day Luke saw a change in Noah. He now seemed determined to go on with his life and to put all the stuff that had happened behind him. Luke did his best to help. He soon noticed that Noah liked having things to do, to keep occupied, so he made sure to keep Noah busy. They did Luke’s barn chores together, or they went riding. Sometimes they went to the house to visit Luke’s family or they volunteered to babysit when Luke’s parents needed a break. Or they rode out to the cabin, to Noah’s old home, whenever they needed some alone time (which was quite often, considering how Emma’s rules prevented them from doing much of anything at the farm house).

And, to Luke’s great delight, Noah also finished reading _The Lord of the Rings_ , seemingly loving it, because as soon as he finished, he asked to borrow Luke’s edition of _The Hobbit_. _Mission accomplished_ , Luke thought, feeling quite pleased with himself.

And slowly, slowly, Noah’s scars were beginning to heal. Luke realized they would probably never completely disappear – just like Luke’s urge to drink would never completely go away – but Luke also knew that Noah would eventually find a way to live with it all, to be happy despite of it. Because Noah was the strongest person Luke had ever met. And Luke was so proud of him that he thought he might, quite possibly, burst with it.

 

 

***

 

 

The last day before school started, Luke once again took Noah up to that special place in the hills, the place where they had made love for the first time. It seemed appropriate somehow – this day marked the end of a summer that had turned both their lives completely upside down, a summer that had led them to each other, and it only seemed right to come here today. To their special place. Together.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Luke asked as they sat down next to each other on the grass, knowing that it was never easy to be the new kid in school.

“A little,” Noah admitted. “You’d think that with all the different schools I’ve gone to I’d be used to it by now, but I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with it.”

“You’ll be fine,” Luke assured him, rubbing his back. “I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends. You’ll really like Maddie, she’s a movie buff like you.”

“Sounds good,” Noah said, smiling a little.

They sat in silence for a while, looking out on the landscape. The summer had been a nice one, weather-wise, and today was no exception. The sun was shining down on them from a clear sky and they could see all of Oakdale and miles beyond. It was a perfect day to end the summer, and so very different from the day that he had found Noah in the barn, the day it had all began.

“So this summer has been pretty… interesting, huh?” Luke said, for the lack of a better word.

Noah nodded in agreement. “That’s one way of putting it. It certainly didn’t turn out the way I expected.”

“Yeah, I know. I thought this would be the most boring and uneventful summer ever, and then, somehow, it turned out to be quite the opposite of that.” He glanced sideways at Noah. “Do you wish that things had turned out differently?”

“Yeah,” Noah said slowly. “I wish my father hadn’t killed my mother. And I wish I hadn’t walked into a room to see him point a gun at you. That’s an image I think I’ll never get out of my head.” He paused. “But… apart from that… I’m glad things happened the way they did. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been really hard. But at least I know the truth now, you know? Even if the truth hurts, at least it’s out in the open.”

Luke nodded. He could understand that.

“And Luke…” Noah turned and looked at him. “Because of all this stuff, I met you. And that’s worth all the crap I’ve had to go through.”

Luke smiled a little. He brushed a hand gently across Noah’s cheek, and then he pulled him closer, kissing him softly. When they broke apart again, Noah looked him in wonder. “You’re so beautiful, Luke,” he said, surprising Luke a little. “So beautiful and strong and brave. Sometimes I can’t believe that someone like you can be interested in someone like me.”

“Well, I am,” Luke murmured with a small grin. “I’m very, _very_ interested.” He kissed Noah again, a little more intently this time, and Noah responded eagerly. For a while, anyway. After a minute he gently pulled away from Luke, making Luke let out an embarrassing little moan in disappointment. “Wait, Luke,” Noah said, a little breathlessly. “There’s something I need… no, I _want_ , to tell you.”

That brought Luke back to reality. “Okay…,” he said uncertainly.

“No, it’s not anything bad,” Noah hurried to say. “It’s just something that… that I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. And I think that… that maybe you have wanted to hear it, as well. But somehow it has never seemed like the right time, and-” He paused, looking into Luke’s eyes. “You’re so amazing, Luke. And I… I love you.”

Luke’s heart seemed to jump in his chest. Noah was right, Luke had really wanted to hear those words, even though he already had a fairly good idea about how Noah felt. He saw it in his eyes, felt it in every touch. But it was still so hard to believe sometimes. That Noah liked him like _that_. More than liked him, even. So to hear him actually say it now was… kind of huge. And amazing.

“I love you, too,” he whispered once he was able to speak again. “I love you so much.”

There was more he wanted to say. Like how Noah had saved him. Helped him find himself. Given his life purpose. Made him happier than he had ever been.

But instead he leaned in and kissed Noah once more, softly, sweetly, lovingly.

Talking could wait. They had the rest of their lives ahead of them.

 

 THE END.


End file.
